July 31, 2004
John Kerry as Commander in Chief
Just passing on a good read from the Belmont Club, analyzing what Kerry might or might not do as Commander-in-Chief.
The real question is not whether this new avatar of the War Party is a "no first strike" or "launch on warning" kind of candidate: but whether he is at minimum someone who will retaliate after a first strike. In framing his policy in terms of how he would respond to a hypothetical attack on America, John Kerry glosses over how he intends to respond to the actual attack of September 11. That event is curiously undefined in his tale of events. If the attack on Manhattan was an act of war how would John Kerry win it? Is it already won and if so, did George Bush win it? If September 11 is not a first strike in John Kerry's eyes, then what is his theoretical threshold for decisive action?
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Finally uploaded pics
I finally uploaded some pics from my new camera.
This fine gentleman may be a relation of mine:
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Iraqi Blog
I came across a blog that reads as though written by someone living in Iraq, but who can really tell on the internet. I don't think I'm going to add it to my blogroll, but it looked interesting.
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July 30, 2004
Vaccines against drug abuse, not really
Here's a brief blog entry (w/ links to more) on new techniques for treating drug addiction that are similar to vaccines. The trick is to either get your body to produce antibodies or to inject you directly with antibodies that treat the drug's active ingrediant as an invading infection. Thus, your body would destroy or interfere with the incoming drug.
The effect only lasts about three months, so it's not a preventative technique. Hence, it's not what we traditionally think of as a vaccine. Instead, the idea is that it would help you ride out the first year or two after the addiction with the safety that taking the proscribed drug would do nothing for you.
Success so far has been narrow, but it's a novel idea.
(Can you tell I've been surfing some new blogs?)
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Rumor: Zarqawi captured
There's a rumor in Kuwait that Zarqawi, whose Al Qaeda group in Iraq has claimed responsibility for numerous attacks, may have been captured earlier today on the Iraq-Syria border. Supposedly, DNA confirmation is underway.
Similar Bin Laden rumors have been numerous and false in the past. Maybe this is part of a duplicate trend, or maybe it's some good news. Time will tell.
:::> Update: It's not in the Monday news-cycle, so this is probably a false alarm.
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Friday Five: On the road to Utopia
Mojave66 isn't asking for much, just a map to Utopia:
What are the five things you think that humanity needs in order to survive and evolve into a peaceful civilization? "Things" could mean a philosophy, a technology, a spiritual perspective, a type of government... anything.
Wow, this is going to be a tough one to keep even marginally short. Each of my five is something I could do an entire essay on.
- Self-sufficient interplanetary or interstellar colonies: This is focusing more on the survival aspect, but somewhere out there is a rock with our names on it. While there are numerous ways we could destroy our civilization on our one, this one is definitely lurking out there. Sooner or later, it’s going to hit. The only question is whether or not we’ll be capable of doing anything about it. It seems that the dinosaurs are extinct largely because their space program sucked. Now, beyond the mere survival, I think this would help us in other ways. Beyond the technological spin-offs, there would be advances in planetology, climatology, possibly even organic chemistry, and then there’s the psychological impact. Every astronaut and cosmonaut seems to say the same thing, how the view of Earth from space… well, let’s say it altered their world view. If this is really something more than just a Hallmark sentiment, then we might expect that space travel en masse would do something to the way we view Earth and its conflicted inhabitants.
- Universal liberal democracy: Now, when I say “democracy”, I include republics, which is realistically what all the large democracies are. When I say “liberal”, I mean that the government is strongly committed to preserving the liberties of its citizens through the rule of law. When I say “universal”, I mean that every human should be living in a liberal democracy, not that we have to have a unified world government. A unified world government would be a nice bonus, but it is not a panacea. After all, Hitler wanted to give us a world government, but I don’t think that was going to lead us to the kind of civilization Mojave is asking for. Why am I so keen on liberal democracies? History has shown that they are generally stable, allow their citizens to produce wealth, rarely start wars (never, by some definitions), and either produce fewer malcontents or at least control them better. They are also adaptable to new problems that might destabilize more authoritarian forms of government.
- Cheap, renewable energy: I believe that the path to a long-term peaceful civilization is technologically forward, not backwards, and that means our energy requirements are going to continue to rise. If nothing else, the industrialization and modernization of the third world (and India and China) will continue to drive up our energy demands for the next generation or two. Unfortunately, we only have about one or two generations of fossil fuels left, possibly less at an accelerated burn rate. Fortunately, though, we already have the technology to do fission, and that can carry us through while we work out fusion, improve our solar efficiencies, and scale up a highly portable energy system – perhaps better batteries (doubtful) or a cleaner chemical system such as hydrogen fuel cells or just straight hydrogen.
- A new economic system: The agricultural revolution made food cheap. The industrial revolution made manufactured items cheap. The computer revolution is making ideas cheaper, though we’re just getting started on this one. It seems that our technological path has been making every thing we want cheaper and cheaper. Now, when I say cheaper, I mean that it takes fewer man-hours to produce, since that is the ultimate currency. What if this trend continues? What will we do when every thing is free? This is not necessarily inevitable, but as population levels off, supply is continuing to grow. It is quite possible that it might eventually outstrip demand. If that happens, what will happen to our economy? I talk about economy at its most fundamental level, a system for allocating resources and rewarding the creation of value. Near infinite supply blows away our concepts of resource allocation, but it will still have to exist at some level. What about the creation of value? Certainly, there will still be value in person to person interactions, i.e. services, but can we really exist in a purely service economy? And if supply is near infinite, i.e. so far above demand as to be unreachable, is that the end to our technological path forward? That is, if there is no need to increase supply, will we cease to innovate? Will we simply turn inwards to our virtual reality navel and stagnate? We need an economic system that can handle these issues and still keep us moving forward. I think that free market capitalism can move us towards it, but I’m not sure what our destination looks like. [This is definitely one that I wanted to go on for pages about because it’s tied up in my notions on the value of intellectual property.]
- Biogen Ethics: We may be headed for a technological revolution in genetics, where genetic attributes may become the new wealth. I’m not worried about the trivial issues of patenting your particular liver. I’m worried that we may be able to significantly alter our genome, splintering us into perhaps dozens of subspecies, or perhaps more troubling, into just two species: Homo sapiens and Homo superior. What will happen to our social ideals of “all men are created equal” when science creates a class of humans that are measurably better? Suddenly racism would transform from an unacceptable antiquity to the latest science. Imagine a university seriously offering courses in genetic purity. Are we prepared to make sure that everyone makes the step to the advanced genome? What about those that choose to remain behind? Will there be laws to stop them? Or will we make illegal to take the step in the first place? What will we do with those who proceed anyway – condemn the children for a choice they did not make? The movie “Gattaca” scratched the surface of this problem, but it could run much deeper. To survive these issues, we’ll need a body of ethics, philosophy, and law that will make it clear what is right and proper vs. what is unacceptable.
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There seems to be a problem with the main reactor...
We made it through last night's thunderstorm w/o a glitch, but this morning we've had four momentary blackouts. They're not long enough to call the power company, but they're just long enough to reset all the computers, the VCR's, and all the clocks that depend on wall current.
I'm heading out to buy some UPS's this afternoon.
:::> Update: I have purchase 3 cheapo UPS's, each rated for about 15 minutes. Two of them are a little more potent, just because they have to support my big monitors. I already had the network equipment on UPS, so I should be good to go.
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July 29, 2004
Date Set for X-Prize Attempt
Scaled Composites has set a date for its X-Prize attempt: a two-week period beginning September 29, 2004.
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July 28, 2004
New NASA funding
Faced with congressional budget cuts, NASA has been forced to seek new sources of revenue.
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Having a ball
I finally found the big 75cm exercise ball I bought back in May. I'm not sure it's inflated all the way since it still looks a little on the small side, but I'm actually trying it out as an office chair. It's only been about ten minutes, and my abs are getting tired already. I'm not shooting for a six-pack or anything -- just trying to lose the "keg" look.
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July 27, 2004
Torturing a Question Meme
I love to torture these question memes. It helps me get it out of my system so that I can just quietly execute superheroes when they demand to know my plans. I haven't gotten to do one of these in a long time. You can thank Happy Tester for sending this my way.
What's on your bedside table?
Two unloaded revolvers. The occasional assassin who gets past my guards usually go for the irony of killing me with my own weapons, or at a minimum, they dedicate both hands to removing them from my reach. Then I shoot them with the semi-automatic I keep beneath my pillow.
What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
William Shatner singing “Tamborine Man”, but I only use it for torture purposes.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
A full feast usually. After all, when I raid the fridge, I take a full raiding party with me.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Bambi. The pure evilness of its symbolism just gets me right where my heart used to be.
Do you have a completely irrational fear?
That a prophecy will predict the coming of a child who will destroy me. I know that this is irrational because I kill these kids promptly and efficiently.
What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?
Nervous stabbing at the thing/person making me insecure.
Do you ever have to beg?
No. I have a dog for that.
Are you a pyromaniac?
Fire is an effective tool. Nothing more.
Do you have too many love interests?
No. I love myself, and I love me back.
Do you know anyone famous?
You mean biblically?
Spontaneous or plan?
Plan, plan, plan. You don’t get to take over the world on a whim. On the other hand, I do take a certain amount of joy in choosing how to kill my victims. It's the little things.
Who should play you in a movie about your life?
No need. Once I rule the world, we’ll just do interviews and build it into a documentary.
Do you know how to play poker?
Better than anyone. You see, I know to put RFID chips into each of the cards.
What do you carry with you at all times?
Weapons.
How do you drive?
With a whip.
What do you miss most about being little?
The innocence of thinking Superman actually wanted to help me.
Are you happy with your given name?
If by given name you mean true name, then yes. My mother was kind enough to never even speak it, and after I killed her, I had the advantage that not only has my true name never been spoken, it is no longer even known.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
Not much. I have people for that sort of thing. I would miss the Muppet Porn though.
What color is your bedroom?
Bright white, though I frequently redecorate it with my evening visitors.
Who are your best friends?
Smith, Wesson, and 420 Stainless Steel
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Of course. Is there a reason I should doubt my existence?
Have you ever done any illegal drugs?
Well, since my life-prolonging elixer requires the frequent sacrifice of vigins to a dark power, then technically yes – not that the FDA has ever tried to regulate it.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
Everyone annoys me. Why should they be any different?
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I’m evil, sadistic, and hateful, so yeah, I think that’s pretty nice.
Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
The pipe organ. It’s an Evil Overlord kind of thing, you know, whiling away the hours in my stronghold composing fugues in minor keys. As it is, I can only do chopsticks, and that just doesn’t sound right on a pipe organ.
Favorite fabric?
Cotton. Being evil doesn’t mean being uncomfortable.
What kind of soap do you use?
Have you ever seen Fight Club?
What's the one language you want to learn?
Miskatonic.
How do you eat an apple?
I slice it, but first I bake it in the mouth of a 21-year old blonde.
What do you order at a bar?
Something that smokes and bubbles. I don’t drink it, of course, but I’ve got to keep that image thing.
Have you ever pierced your body parts?
I was shot in the leg once. Does that count?
Do you have tattoos?
No. I generally don’t let people approach me with needles.
Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted?
Certainly. What do you think is holding my nose on?
What's one of the "funniest" things you've ever done?
It’s got to be when I captured Superman, strapped him down with Kryptonite, and then “revealed” my secret evil plan just before he managed to escape. This, of course, was the evil plan where Batman was secretly working for me, Wonder Woman was dealing in illegal hormones, Robin was running a child porn ring, Aquaman was “polluting” the oceans, and the Wonder Twins were having an incestuous affair. Man, the Justice League just hasn’t been the same since.
Do you drive stick?
No. I have had cars custom built that switch gears far more efficiently than a human can.
What's one trait you hate in a person?
It’s a toss up being having a pulse and not being me.
What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
I don’t. A clock is just one of the many devices I’ve had implanted.
Most frivolous purchase?
William Shatner’s wig – while he was on stage.
Do you consider yourself materialistic?
I don’t think that really covers it.
What do you cook the best?
Children.
Favorite writing instrument?
A fresh 0.2mm Uni-ball. I’ve got some traditional ink pens carved from the bones of my enemies, but they’re more hassle than they’re worth.
Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
I prefer to be on the other end of the gunsight.
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
It’s a robe, ok? Evil Overlords wear robes. It is not a dress. Got that?
What's one car you will never buy?
The one I could steal.
If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Collect the winnings.
Burial or cremation?
Re-animation, just like last time.
How many online journals do you read regularly?
None. I just get the summaries from my staff.
What's one thing you're a sore loser at?
Losing.
If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I make sure it hurts.
What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
Usually a sharp and pointy one.
What's one thing you like to do alone?
Rule.
What's the worst thing you ever said to someone?
”I’m gonna three times mineshaft blueberry Jason dammit!” I was just too mad to make much sense.
What is one thing you don't leave home without?
Bodyguards.
What's the most painful experience you've ever had?
Slow vivisection. Or did you mean painful for me?
Can you type with your eyes closed?
Not sure. My eyelids stopped working seven years ago.
Can you do the butterfly stroke?
No, but I can make a butterfly have a stroke.
Can you say the alphabet backwards effortlessly?
No, and technically neither can you. It’s an entropy thing.
Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue?
No. I have Monica for that.
Can you run a mile in under ten minutes?
I have no need to. If I really need to be running from something, then I’ll make sure I choose a mode that gets me a lot more than a mile away, and if I really need to run to something quickly… well, that’s what artillery is for.
Can you stand the sight of blood?
Yeah. Texture, taste, and smell too.
Can you admit it when you're wrong?
I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had the opportunity to test it yet.
Can you tie a necktie?
Yes. It’s an excellent bondage tool.
Can you successfully pierce someone's ear?
Of course. I’ve done it hundreds of times. Or did you mean, like, for an earring?
Can you perform CPR on another human?
Certainly. Most of my staff is medically trained, too. We can’t have our victims dying prematurely, now can we?
Can you read minds?
Marginally, but only after they’ve been removed and had all the electrodes put in.
Can you write better poetry than Shakespeare?
No, but I bet I could make him write it a lot worse.
Do you know karate?
No. I kept shooting my instructors in self-defense.
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Mmmm... Muppet Porn
I give you my word of honor that I had no part in the production of this.
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This land...
Here's a short flash video "This Land" that has enough to offend and amuse just about everyone. Enjoy.
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July 26, 2004
Scorpions... no, it's worse
We've been having a lot scorpions in the house lately. I live out in the middle of nowhere (but with neighbors) and whenever it rains or someone builds a house or the dog sneezes... well, we get a lot of scorpions in the house, especially lately. So far, there's been only one sting, and apart from the panic there was no real harm.
But still, they scare the shit out of me. What makes matters worse is that they can be hard to spot. These scorpions are one to two inches long and a light, golden brown. The carpet in the house is a light brown. If that natural camouflage wasn't bad enough, there's the hair.
We all shed hair. It's a fact of life, but when you have long hair, it tends to end up in tangly clumps on the floor. You'd be amazed at how fast these things pop up. You skip a weekend of vaccuuming, and they're everywhere. The bonus of this is that My Amazing Wife has coppery red hair, and I have dirty blond hair with occasional gold highlights. (Yes, I'm straight. A straigt man can know the color of his hair's highlights.) Mix those two together, and you get little hair clumps that are the exact color and general shape of those scorpions.
So I'm walking around barefoot tonight because I already took off my socks and can't find my slippers, scanning the floor as I walk, getting a heart attack every time I spot a hair ball. Is it moving? I can't just squish it for safety because I'm not wearing any shoes. Blowing on it isn't enough. I tried that yesterday, got no response, and then it uncurled its stinger and started crawling towards me. What can I poke it with? So next I'm walking around barefoot with a flashlight and a walking stick, inspecting every hairball and cursing the fact that the vaccuum cleaner would wake up the kids.
But then I got my real scare. You see, I'm reading Wil Wheaton's Just a Geek this week, and I just finished a chapter on Star Trek: Nemesis, complete with Romulans. As if camouflage and decoys weren't enough, now I'm worried about... wait for it... scorpions with cloaking devices! That's right, you can't see them until they're about to attack, which is just after they've crawled under the sheets and onto the back of your knee.
So here I sit, my legs curled up into an armchair that just won't hold them, wondering where my fucking slippers are!
I'm having nightmares tonight. I just know it.
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July 25, 2004
Format and Blogroll
I think I've finally mastered CSS and templates well enough to fix my column-width issues and put in a blogroll. The blogroll is just a starter, though it was enough for me to realize why many people talk about ways of doing it in a more automated fashion. I'm considering it, but first I'll see how painful it is to update it over time.
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Etiquette for Stapling Someones Forehead
Have you ever wanted to dash off your resignation and staple it to your boss’ forehead? Or maybe just a righteous memo? Personally, I have not. I did far worse to the last boss I had, but I understand that many of you are attracted to this more amateur outlet. Still, there are rules of etiquette to be observed, not just for your boss, but whenever you staple something to some deserving sap’s forehead.
- Be sure to staple it print-side in. If you wish, you can print a second copy on the back for the rest of us to see.
- If feasible, be cognizant of where on the page the recipient’s eyes will be. The best parts of your message should be there, preferably in bold. “Fuckwad” and “Dilhole” work well, I’m told.
- If using graphics, consider printing on a transparency sheet instead of paper as it will accentuate the aesthetics of the recipient’s face.
- If using two staples, put one into each eyebrow. While this has the unfortunate effect of masking scars, it makes pulling out the staples that much more painful. Don’t deprive the recipient of the full experience.
- On the backside of the paper, leave helpful comments for the medical staff such as, “I have been wrestling with Ebola patients.”
- Staple guns are preferable since they give the best chance of penetrating to the skull with the highest accuracy and least trouble, but in a pinch, an office stapler will do. You just have to open it wide and swing with sufficient velocity. Nail guns, however, are frowned upon as they cross the line from sarcastic justice to mere assault with a deadly weapon.
- Clean staples should be used in almost all cases. Rusty or otherwise infected staples should be reserved for divorce lawyers, Amway-selling coworkers, and surly waiters.
- If using several staples, make sure some of them are lose. That way, when the recipient tries to tear the paper away from the staples, some of them will be yanked from the skin. Cheeks are a good location for this.
- Some readers have suggested that it is better to coat the paper with an insulting substance, such as arsenic, pepper spray, or your own feces. However, I feel that you are cheating yourself if you do this. Focus on getting as much insult into the document itself. That way, if it ever goes to trial, the jury will be able to admire the full power of your statement, even when it is a mere photocopy.
- But most important, timing is everything. You must respond immediately after being walked upon, not the next day or week, so preparation is key. Dedicate a spot in your workspace to keep your supplies (stationary, staple gun, etc.), and if your wit is prone to fail you in moments of stress, prepare stand-by notes for likely recipients such as your boss, coworkers, human resources, company security, and hostage negotiators.
For everyone else out there, if you see someone with a staple gun and a stack of papers, just smile and keep your distance.
Evil Overlord by Evil Overlord | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1784)
The Value of Contingency Planning
In the late 1930’s through most of 1941, a small collection of U.S. officers saw Japan’s carrier-heavy navy as a growing threat. They felt that the U.S. was vulnerable to it and made elaborate contingency plans for war with Japan relying heavily on U.S. carriers (originally seen as scouts and escorts) as the backbone of the fleet. What a bunch of paranoid warmongers!
At the time, these tactical theories were largely dismissed, even though Japan was being recognized as a growing threat. Many more traditional scenarios were worked up and planned for, though after December 7, 1941, it was clear that most of the contingency planning had been worthless. A few ideas were useful, but they had predominantly come from left field. In time, some of the original contingency plans, e.g. the island-hopping advance, were salvaged but only with the support of the previously dismissed tactics.
The real lesson here is not to ignore conventional wisdom. After all, conventional wisdom is usually right, virtually by definition. No, the real lesson here is to not shut off exploration into concepts that appear dubious at best. That’s what contingency planning is all about. It’s not for determining the right course of action for when events go as expected. It’s for determining the right course of action when the impossible happens.
What if Spain reverts to fascism and invades Portugal? What if Latvia gets into a border dispute with Estonia? What if Israel launches a preemptive nuclear attack on Iran? Not bloody likely, but I’d bet that some second lieutenant in the Pentagon has researched the scenarios and laid out the assets and targets involved for several possible responses. With virtual certainty, the most that will come of that research is a good performance rating for our hypothetical lieutenant, but there’s always that outside chance that a colonel is going to grab that folder, race it over to the White House, and brief the President on possible responses to Latvia’s aggression. At least they won’t be left asking, “Now, which one is Estonia?”
Recently, a bit of contingency planning raised the ire of many on America’s political left. Following the pre-election terrorist attack in Spain, some crazy-eyed members of the U.S. government wondered if the same might happen here. If it did, what was the appropriate response? One of the options they considered was delaying the election, or at least delaying it certain areas. I guess their thinking had been along the lines of, “If a nuclear device is detonated in Houston on November 1st, should the elections in Texas proceed the very day after?” One option is “proceed”. Another option is “delay”. If someone decided to delay, there had to be a plan for how to do it legally. Thus, some employees in our government were tasked with researching whether or not it would be legal to have such a delay and under what circumstances.
This was interpreted by some as a step towards dictatorship – not the action itself, but the mere research was considered such a step. Personally, I’m inclined to think that the election should go forward regardless. If I were in the oval office and got the briefing on options after just such an attack, I think I would choose the “proceed” option. However, I applaud those officials for having imagined a possible scenario and worked out some of the options. Since then, government officials have said that there would be no such delay. I just hope they reached that conclusion because they actually weighed the options, not because they felt too much pressure for even thinking about the options. I’m a little pessimistic though, because the official in question stated, “I can't conceive of any circumstances under which a presidential election could be postponed or canceled.”
My own nightmare contingency for terrorist attacks this election is one that has received no press to my knowledge. Bear with me as I put on my terrorist thinking cap for a moment. If I really wanted to mess up the U.S. election, I would have prepared multiple teams in several battleground states. Each team would be responsible for destroying the vote counting centers and as many ballots as possible in counties that were polling towards Kerry. It wouldn’t be that hard. The counting centers are known targets, and few will have hardened security. Would many survive a suicide truck? How about just delivering a few ballot boxes stuffed with explosives, passing them into the building before detonation? Even the target regions are knowable, since a mole in one or the other’s campaign could get access to detailed polling data in those states.
The result would make Florida in 2000 look like a disagreement over golf scores. Suddenly four or five battleground states would swing to Bush due to the destruction of Kerry ballots. Maybe he would have won them anyway, but it wouldn’t matter any more. The Democrats would be furious. Some would even claim that it was a Republican terrorist act aimed at keeping Bush in office. Some would demand that those counties be allowed to vote again. If the courts prevented it from happening because of something as trivial as the law, there would be even more cries of conspiracy. The American political system would be paralyzed.
Why would I choose to destroy Kerry’s votes instead of Bush’s? Because Democrats have been seething for four years over the 2000 election, and their reaction to the aforementioned contingency research means that they’re angry enough to be moving beyond rational thought. If Bush’s votes were targeted instead, I believe Republicans would be angry but would focus first on moving the country forward and responding to such a vicious attack. This is not to say that Republicans are inherently more rational or more patriotic than Democrats. Rather, it is to say that many Democrats have been letting their emotions cloud their judgment.
Do I think this scenario is likely? No, I do not. But I sure hope someone in our government is working up a contingency plan just in case.
[Side note: I feel no guilt laying out this plan because 1) the U.S. government is more likely to stumble across my blog than is al Queda, and 2) it’s probably too late to initiate such a plan but not too late to prepare a response to it.]
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 24, 2004
Bush's national guard payroll records found
It appears that the payroll records for President Bush's stint in the National Guard have been found, even though they had recently been reported as accidentally destroyed.
I'd love to jump up and castigate some of the more outspoken Kerry supporters who have called Bush a deserter, but the truth of the matter is... the article only states that the records have been found, not what they contain. I'm standing by for more information, though I'm not holding my breath for any retractions from his accusers.
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
Secure code through better development tools?
Here's an interesting article on producing better software through the use of better development tools, many of which are still just theoretical. It's an interesting read if you're in the software game.
Technology by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 23, 2004
Future alternative to Lasik surgery
I've mentioned this to a few folks before, but I never had a link to post. While Lasik results vary from exceptional to horrific, the real risk to me is that it's irreversible. If they get it wrong, it doesn't seem like there's much they can do. That's one of the things that's kept me from doing it. Also, most doctors I talk to tell me that getting to 20/40 is about all they can really guarentee, and I'm holding out for a 20/20 (or better) solution. After all, I'm currently in extended-wear contacts, so I'm already close to the level I want.
A few years ago my opthamologist told me about a new technique where they lift the cornea and place a contact lens beneath it and then seal things back up. The beauty of this is that it's reversible and repeatable. If they get it wrong or if your prescription changes, they can replace or remove the lens. The company that's doing much of the research is STAAR Surgical Company. Currently the procedure is not available in the U.S., but it is working through the FDA approval process. Like many Lasik patients though, I'll be holding out to be some doctor's 10,000th patient. No offense to the first 9,999, but my work and most of my hobbies depend heavily on my eyesight.
Then, holding out near the horizon is the possibility that a myopia/hyperopia combo lens could be implanted for those of us older folks whose arms aren't long enough any more.
Technology by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Friday Five: My favorite classes
This week's Friday Five comes from Mojave66:
What were your five favorite classes in College (or in the highest educational institution you completed), and why?
In no particular order...
- "Artificial Intelligence in Literature": This was an upper division class in the English department where they just let a professor teach on whatever subject he wanted for a semester. Fortunately, there were very few prerequisites for this class, so I managed to get in. I had been taking some AI classes in Computer Science, so I came to it with a slightly different perspective than most of the students. Still, the main attraction to the class was just the syllabus. Where else are you going to find a course that covers Frankenstein, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and Neuromancer? We even got him to add Blade Runner to the syllabus, a decision he was very happy with afterwards. The only downside to this class was that we had to work in groups. The professor was slowly losing his eyesight, so group assignments meant he had fewer papers to grade. Groups are not automatically bad, but we had a problem in this one that’s probably worth a separate entry.
- “Introduction to Western Music”: This was Western as in “Eastern vs.” not as in “Country and”. This made the list largely because it was my last class. I finished my senior year short by two classes (the reasons for which are, yet again, another entry), so I signed up for the summer session just to finish off. The first class was a CS class, but I saved this easy elective to finish off with. I have to say that it was one of the smartest things I ever did in college. The last thing I had to do before heading off into the stressful Real World was to lounge around campus in the summer taking a class whose only homework was to listen to music I already enjoyed. As a bonus, the professor was a fascinating guy. In his youth, he had escaped East Germany by tunneling under the Berlin Wall. Then in the winter of 1989 (six months before my class), he was taking advantage of the political openness to visit Berlin and was on the Berlin wall on that fateful night when it came down. He chipped off a piece with a hammer and took it as a souvenir. He had stories that went from being drafted into the Nazi army, being in a Soviet POW camp, and so on. Very fascinating guy.
- “Computer Graphics”: This was almost the last CS class I took, and it changed my life. Prior to that, I’d been leaning more and more towards going into AI. However, that’s largely an academic discipline, even more so back in 1990, so that career path would most likely require a master’s degree or more. By that point, though, I was sick of school. I also wanted to get married soon, and that meant getting a decent paying job, one I was unlikely to find as a T.A. or research assistant. But then I got to take graphics. It was almost an accident since I was really just trying to fill out the credit requirements for my degree. It looked like an easier choice than “Algorithms” with a professor I didn’t like. Graphics offered two solutions to my growing impatience with AI. First, jobs in graphics were immediately available in the private sector, and two, results in graphics were immediately tangible, i.e. does the picture look right? Also, while I had done well in AI, I broke the curve in graphics. The professor literally had to remove me from the sampling set on the finals since he felt that I had earned more than 100% even before the curve was applied – interesting bragging story there for another time. So, while I still follow AI with some interest, I’ve been working happily in graphics for 14 years, just a bit longer than I’ve been married.
- “Automata Theory, a.k.a. Linguistics 340”: For an obscure reason, this highly theoretical and infamously difficult computer science class was still being taught in the Linguistics department. The professor began each semester by saying, “I recognize a lot of you from last semester – better luck this time – and if any of you new faces are actually Linguistics majors, you’re in the wrong room.” This was one of about four classes in the CS degree plan that intentionally had a 40% failure rate. I originally signed up for it in the spring of my Junior year, heard that speech, and decided I could trim back my 17 hour schedule by one Linguistics class. I was already planning on taking a summer session, so I figured I’d get it then. What a difference a semester makes! That spring, I read Hofstadter’s Godel, Escher, Bach. In addition to being a great book, it covered all the major topics of Linguistics 340 in an intuitive, almost poetic way. When I did get to Linguistics in the summer, it felt like it was a quick review class. I discovered that Godel, Escher, Bach was actually on the recommended reading list for this class. I went a step further and recommended to the underclassmen I knew that they all read it before taking the class, not during. It’s the kind of thing that needs time to sink in.
- “Program Analysis”: What I loved about this course had nothing to do with the subject matter. It was all about the professor, a man named Bitner. He was hilarious, the perfect combination of absent-minded professor and straight man. Sometime I’ll have to write up a collection of “Bitnerisms” as we called them, but let me give you just a small sample. On the first day, he outlined his grading system: three section tests, each worth 20% and a final worth 30%. When we pointed out that it added up to only 90%, he paused, scratched his beard and calmly said, “I guess there won’t be many A’s.” He relented and offered us some homework for 10%. Tragically, he was having severe problems with chemical depression that year. That in itself was an education, but he had to go on medical leave about three-fourths of the way through the semester, leaving the rest of it to be taught by another professor. He was still around years later, so I presume they got his medication worked out. While I didn’t learn that subject as well as others, he was one of the few professors who got me to attend every session, front row, and attentive.
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 22, 2004
Club Dread & The Butterfly Effect
I’ve been down with a bug, so I spent some time the other night just lying down in front of a TV. Fortunately, I have Netflix to keep me from watching the normal poor fare, so I watched Club Dread and The Butterfly Effect.
I got this for two reasons: 1) It was billed as being from the makers of Super Troopers, which was hilarious, and 2) various vid-caps from the web promised some hot chicks. I should say that I’m not a big fan of the horror genre. I’ve probably seen more horror spoofs (Scream, Scary Movie, etc.) than proper horror films. They mostly seem to send the message that if you have sex outside of marriage, you will meet a violent end. That must satisfy enough of the tightwads in the world to allow much of the anti-violence rhetoric to be shifted towards Schwarzenegger-style action films.
Anyway, Club Dread disappointed me on both counts. It wasn’t nearly as funny as Super Troopers, and the chicks weren’t nearly as hot or naked as I’d been led to believe. There were some humorous bits, but they weren’t all that funny, and the horror parts weren’t really all that horrific. It seems like they couldn’t decide between being a comedy or a horror film, so the failed to do either. Others have shown that it’s possible to do both, but they fell short. Rating: one overripe, bruised banana.
When I first saw the previews for this I thought it looked really cool. It was generally panned because everyone says that Ashton Kutcher couldn’t act his way out of a mime’s maze. It was enough to keep it off my “what movie to I get to go out to this quarter?” list, but I still flagged it for a rental later on. This is because similar things had been said about Jim Carrey and The Truman Show, a movie that gave me a very pleasant surprise.
Let me start by saying that Kutcher’s performance was fair, not great but not dismal. He did manage to break out of the Michael Kelso box, but not with much force. However, the real stars in this tale are the tale itself and the young actors playing younger versions of Kutcher, John Amedori and especially Logan Lerman. I’ll get to why in a spoilers section below, but first let me just say that I haven’t seen a film this gripping and disturbing for a while. Disclaimer the disk I saw was the director’s cut, which is seven minutes longer than the theatrical release, and I can imagine that the wrong seven minutes cut from this could have ruined the film.
- - - Spoilers begin - - -
The movie begins with Evan (Kutcher) in an asylum, hiding from the staff, and writing a note. We then get a long flashback sequence to his childhood, where he had some minor mental problems in that he had memory blackouts from key stressful times in his life. He just didn’t remember them. These varied from sexual abuse to incidents of violence and cruelty. Evan’s father had had similar problems and had gone fully mad when Evan was just a baby. Their psychiatrist recommended Evan keep a journal in hopes that it would help him remember what happened during the blackouts.
We return to the present to find Evan as a bright college student who has left all of his childhood troubles behind. He still keeps the journals, but he hasn’t had a blackout in seven years. Then one day while reading a journal entry about one of the blackouts, he suddenly remembers the true events so vividly that it’s almost as if he’s there. He then tries to reconnect with some of his childhood friends, including his childhood love, who lived through the same traumatic events as he, and he discovers that this new memory of the blackout is true and that it was just a link in the chain of events that destroyed the lives of everyone he had cared about.
Then, through a rather clever plot gimmick, Evan realizes that he’s not just remembering these events but that he can control his actions and change the past. It’s a little as though he’s just been living his life out of order in a Vonnegut “Slaughterhouse Five” way. And so he sets out to change the past and save his friends and mother from the pain and anguish wrought in the previous years. We get to see a lot of the earlier blackouts unfold, except now the young actors playing Evan act with the style and maturity of the adult Evan. That convincing switch from innocent child to vengeful adult really made this time travel aspect work, hence my kudos for the young actors.
The problem is that no matter what Evan does, someone else still pays a terrible price. We then learn that Evan’s insane father had been able to do the same thing, and that had been what sent him over the edge, the endless guilt at causing a different destruction at every turn. Ultimately, these changes bring us to Evan in the asylum we saw at the beginning of the film, as he makes one last attempt to put things right. He makes the ultimate sacrifice in a very disturbing way, especially disturbing to a parent. Yet what got to me more was the implication that this wasn’t the first time someone had been forced into that choice. I’ll keep that aspect spoiler-free, but it really got to me.
- - - Spoilers end - - -
So, while Kutcher won’t get any notice from the Academy for this performance, it’s still a pretty good flick. Rating: three deep thoughts and one nightmare.
Reviews by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
July 21, 2004
Recollections on the gay/straight barrier
Marvin (and others) recently pointed me towards this article showing that while there is no gaydar, there is a straight line. This reminded me of a couple of stories on the subject...
My brother told me about this little dance he would have to do whenever he was feeling out a new roommate possibility. He and the potential roommate (apartment-mate, whatever) would be talking on the phone, and it would go something like this:
“I'm Bill.”
“I'm Dave.”
“I'm an electrical engineering major.”
“I'm a mechanical engineering major.”
“I'm a junior.”
“I'm a senior.”
(long pause)
“I'm heterosexual.”
“Oh Dude, I am so with you. BTW, I've got this awesome stereo setup if you want to put in the living room.”
“Great. I throw kegger's all the time, and that would rock.”
And so on.
Not to condone homophobia, but I think this thing happens all the time.
Strangely, my sole experience with a gay man hitting on me took us on the opposite path with little chance for me to be cool about. It was late, and I was tired. We'd been talking for a while, though no "straight line" had come up to my recollection, but I wasn't aware of having any guard up. It was Flipside, after all, so I was very relaxed. But it was time to go, so I said, "Man, I gotta go find my tent and go to bed." I don't recall his exact response, but it was something about how he had a spot for me in his tent and we could hang out all night.
That's when I spotted a lot of little things I'd missed before. The bulk of my male hosts appeared to be hooked up with each other – I was in the Flipside equivalent of a gay bar. And here was my quandary. I was going to decline his offer, of course. There were little things like being married, straight, and just “not thinking of him that way”. But the next logical step was to leave. After all, I'd just declared that I was about to go back to my own tent, but I didn't want to send the signal that I was running in homophobic fear.
On the other hand, if I stayed after declaring that I'd intended to leave, wasn't I just leading him on? If so, that just wasn’t fair. I was at Flipside without My Amazing Wife this year, and she had failed to give me the “go have indiscriminate sex” pass-card, so I was already feeling the frustration of being surrounded by gorgeous, scantily-clad potential mates but knowing that I wasn’t getting laid. With no gaydar, it had to be even worse for this guy, so I wasn’t going to put him through any more than necessary.
So I made my leave and wandered back towards my tent. Along the way I spotted a number of young ladies, many involved in intriguing activities. By the time I found my tent, the closest thought I had to homosexuality was the observation that virtually every straight man wants to be a lesbian.
I did see the guy again the next day. After all, I was hanging out in their camp a fair amount – totally cool camp. We talked again briefly, and I complimented them on their camp, pointing out that I was going to have to bring my wife by later when she arrived for a friend’s wedding. There it was: the straight-line. It was also in the light of day, and I was holding up my left hand, my wedding-ring-clad fingers wrapped around a drink. We talked a bit more, but it was clear that we’d crossed to the other side of the barrier. Small chit-chat, that kind of thing. It ended quickly, and he did little more than nod to me for the rest of Flipside.
I suddenly felt like the girl who tells her prom date that she’s saving herself for marriage, my value as a person reduced to my sexual availability. On the other hand, I hope he got laid. At least one of us should.
Narrative by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
July 20, 2004
On occupation...
A friend recently directed me towards this article regarding the occupation in Iraq among other things. It's a fairly emotional read, but I find its fact-content to be low. One thing in particular stuck out to my mind:
In Washington, chicken hawks will still be squawking about "digging in" and winning, but Vietnam proved conclusively that no modern war of occupation would ever be won. Every occupation is doomed. The only way you "win" a war of occupation is the old-fashioned way, the way Rome finally defeated the Carthaginians: kill all the fighters, enslave everyone else, raze the cities and sow the fields with salt.
His definition of "modern" is unspecified, but we can presume he meant to include the 20th century, the very period that defined "modern warfare". In that period were three occupations that seem both contrary and on-point. They were post-WWII Italy, Japan, and West Germany.
The western portion of the alliance went in and occupied those countries with a eye towards destroying the previous government and building a liberal democracy in its place. After almost sixty years, those countries are exeriencing peace and prosperity. Strangely, we still have troops in those countries, not as occupiers but as defenders. They are not universally accepted, but they are not suffering a constant barrage of attacks.
Another occupation from that same era did not turn out as well. The Soviet Union occupied most of eastern Europe. They did not go in with an eye towards creating liberal democracies. Instead, they set up communist police states. Those countries suffered under varying degrees of repression and poverty for forty years until unceremoniously, they threw off their occupiers in the late 1980's.
What about Vietnam, though? How did our noble aspirations go awry there? Well, this entry is too short to go into the issues as complex as Vietnam, but I don't believe we went into Vietnam with the intention of destroying the existing government and replacing it with a liberal democracy. It seems that we tried to prop up the existing one instead.
Our occupation intentions in Afghanistan and Iraq seems to be much closer to what we did in Germany, Japan, and Italy. I'm saying that maybe, just maybe, that actually matters.
(Post-script: My Amazing Wife pointed out that Carthage was a special case to the Romans. They did not want to occupy Carthage. Instead, the rallying cry was "Carthage must be destroyed," though I suspect it was in Latin. Rome occupied many other lands for hundreds of years not by salting the fields but by building infrastructure and taxing the inhabitants. As AW said, "You can't tax a salted field, and Rome liked taxes.")
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
Is that technically "felching"?
From the outside, I look like your normal middle-class, closed-minded, white male... pedestrian and easy to shock with the seamier side of life. The only red flag is my long hair, but ponytails are more common amongst us tech nerds. That was the backdrop for a scene at a party I hosted where one of my guests used the word “felching”.
I don’t remember precisely how she used it, but I asked in the next lull, “Excuse me, Kay, but just what is ‘felching’?”
She blinked twice and paused. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m curious. What does it mean? I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word.”
Compared to me, Kay has led a more colorful life sexually – not Now-In-Amazing-Kodachrome colorful, but with at least a bit more twisting of the tint control. She knew virtually nothing of my own experiences, so she proceeded with great caution. “Well, it’s, uh, when you…” She scanned around my living room and picked up a Kermit the Frog doll. “Ok, I’m a guy,” she said, “and I’m uh… well, giving it to Kermit.” She lowered Kermit’s ass to her crotch and gave him a few pelvic thrusts from behind. “Then after I’ve…well, I clean him out,” and she brought him up to her face for tentative lick.
It's clear she was rather embarrassed to have to explain this, but I wasn’t sure why. Was she embarrassed to be explaining it, embarrassed to be explaining it to a guy, or just embarrassed to be explaining it to me, a mundane? Well, I let it go, but I’ve often wished I’d pressed the issue. It’s not because I wanted to get to the root of her embarrassment. Rather, I wanted the answers to some other questions…
For starters, is it just between men? I mean, the definition she gave is applicable between Kermit and Fozzy Bear, but what about Kermit and Miss Piggy? If Kermit is riding her back door, would he still be felching if he gave her ass a good tonguing afterwards? For that matter, is it strictly limited to anal sex? And does it have to be your own cum? Since muppets are flexible, could Kermit actually felch himself?
Now it’s years later, and I still don’t know. This is not a trivial matter. Not at all. You see, every time the Muppet Show comes on TV, my mind immediately leaps to this scene:
Kermit is relaxing on the bed after cumming in Miss Piggy’s ass. His hetero-life-mate Fozzy is now giving his lady a rim-job. Miss Piggy herself is recovering from a donkey punch and contemplating the different textures between amphibian and mammal in little grunts of ecstasy. Then Kermit, between zapping the occasional fly, asks, “Hrmm, is that technically felching?”
Narrative by Dan | Permalink | Comments (6)
July 19, 2004
Politics as a 37-dimension vector space
Most people view American politics as right vs. left, but that's far too simple of a view. Instead, American politics is best modeled as a 37-dimension vector space. The first person who truly understands this will carve out an 81% majority as an independent candidate, be named dictator for life, but be brutally stabbed to death by the Senate Judiciary Committee. We will then dismiss him as a fluke and return to partisanship.
In the meantime, we seem to be stuck with the current labels. I often call myself a Republican or a Conservative and sometimes a realistic Libertarian, but the truth of the matter is that my politics are firmly grounded around 3a + 19b - 2.7c + 37d + 12e - 16f + 1.1g +92h - 16i + 0.05j + 72k - 3.8l – 9.2m + 2n + 23o – 1.2p + 74q – 12.7r – 44s + 3t – 4.8u – 64v + 29w – 1.8x + 3y – 40z + 4A – 33B + 3.2C + 40D – 23E – 3.97F + 98.9G – 48.7H + 2I – 23J. Yes, you read that right: 29w – 12.7r, and no, that’s not a contradiction in terms.
Until recently I rarely discussed politics. It’s not that I had no thoughts on the subject, but that I had several reasons for avoiding it. First, I just didn’t have the energy to put up with others’ preconceived notions. They had already pigeonholed themselves into their niche and would immediately react to any subject with their right vs. left mentality. Lately this has become even worse, when many react with a Bush vs. not-Bush mentality. In that environment, I can barely open my mouth without being insulted as a fascist, a traitor, or a heathen, depending on the subject at hand. It’s been far easier to just keep my mouth shut, nod, and smile.
Second, I am a stickler for facts and accuracy. That means doing the research, and frankly I don’t have the time. Of course, neither do most bloggers, but they have no qualms about posting without the facts. What facts I do see out there are often the massaged results of a columnist or other skilled manipulator. Too much of our news comes to us third hand, so I loathe trusting the numbers unless I can see the raw data.
Finally, no one wants to change their minds, especially those eager to discuss politics. They want to rant. They want to be outraged. It even seems that they want a heart attack. They do not want to hear the other side, or at best they only want to hear it to shoot it down. They do not want to really consider it as a possibility. The thing they most of all do not want is for someone to tell them to pull their heads out of their asses and think for a minute. They want to believe that they have already considered all the facts, but the speed with which they reach their conclusions often betrays this as self-delusion. As they read this, they are objecting that some issues are black and white and worthy of immediate praise or condemnation, but this is not true nearly as often as they would like to believe. This is not to say that it is wrong to reach a conclusion and have an opinion. If you consider it long enough to understand the rationale behind the other viewpoints and find them lacking, then you have truly thought about it. This leaves you open to that greatest of rational moments: you discover something new that makes you reevaluate the other viewpoint. Few people ever get that far.
Now, I’m making some pointed accusations, and they are not universally true, nor am I pure and innocent. You, you, and the lovely lady over there have been quite reasonable when we disagree, and I enjoy our discussions. However, you, you, both of you two, and the lanky one by the door fit this to a T. If you disagree, feel free to prove me wrong.
So, what has changed my mind? How will I proceed past my three reasons for not writing about politics? First, I have grown tired of nodding and smiling when I am surrounded by anger and hatred. Second, I am going to really try to get the facts and honestly point out when I lack them. Finally, I am not going to expect to change anyone’s mind. I’ve been around the block too many times to believe that. Instead, I hope to make you really think.
If you do, you just might change your own mind.
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
July 18, 2004
Moving past structure
The structure is pretty much complete now, though I still have more things I want to do in the right-hand column. Those are waiting until I resolve some issues on column width.
In the meantime, I'm going to start moving forward with content. Specifically, I have established various categories, and I'm going to do an inaugural entry for each of them. This will populate the category archives as well as give an example of what I'll be posting.
So far, the categories are:
Blog: General blogging and site notes
Evil Overlord: Dark humor by my ethically challenged alter-ego
Narrative: Various stories ranging from edited-for-blog fact to what-was-he-smoking fiction
Photography: Camera obsession and some images
Politics: Hey, it's a blog. By rule, there must be some politics.
Technology: Ranging from gripes to IP philosophy and OSS. Did I mention politics?
Tinfoil Beanie: Humor and general silliness.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Struggling with configuration
Pardon the mess -- if your perceive it as such -- as I'm still messing around with the various configuration options, templates, style sheets, etc. I'm a big fan of web usability, including both high contrast color combinations and larger fonts for text. I've never worked with cascading style sheets before, so it's a bit of a learning curve. Fortunately, at its heart, it's just code, and I happen to have a few skills in that area.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (4)
July 17, 2004
Testing... is this thing on?
That's right! It's open mike night at the Internet, where anyone with an agenda and a cgi script can vent their spleen on any guilty bystander. Welcome to my little corner, and try not to slip on any spleen juice.
For those of you wondering, it's not Dana Mongden. It's Dan Among Den. Long ago, I was graced with a wonderful name, so wonderful that every twenty-sixth woman on morphene liked it too. As a result, I was constantly running into other Dan's. Some were Danny's, and some were Daniel's, but most were Dan's. Usually this was resolved with various nicknames, but I was resolute. I didn't want a nickname. I was just Dan.
This reached a climax in the college dorm when there were six of us, though technically two were Daniel's. Still, that left far too much confusion, so the nicknames began again. We had HDan, GeoDan, TheoDan, and... well, I still stuck with Dan. By this point, we had developed the term "Den" as the plural of "Dan". Then one day it happened. Someone said it. "If you're not truly a man among men, then certainly you are a Dan among Den."
It didn't really stick, but as I began to venture outside of my own net domains, I ran into the problem again. By the time I signed up at a site, the screen handle "Dan" was already taken, and I wasn't going to settle for Dan2294. And so danamongden was born, though it is commonly misread as "Dana Mongden". If you ever see her, it's probably just me.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)