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October 31, 2004
Pumkin Pi Anyone?

Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
Electronic Voting: reiterating the obvious
We’re heading into our first presidential election with widespread use of electronic voting machines. This has been filled with controversy, both because they haven’t been deployed as widely as some wanted and because many feel that they can’t be trusted as far as Kerry can throw a Silver Star. The irony isn’t that we couldn’t work out this problem in the four years since 2000. The irony is that the solution was obvious, widely known, and largely ignored.
One of the reasons the new electronic voting machines haven’t been rolled out to that many places was money. They are, after all, not free, but there was enough popular support for some kind of improvement that the money would have been there at the federal level. Around 2000, I’d heard numbers of two to four billion dollars being talked about to revamp the voting system nationwide. That would have made a budget of a few thousand dollars per voting machine and still had enough for a massive nationwide rollout. So, I can’t really blame the problem on money.
Instead, it’s about certification, and that’s about trust. While federal dollars could have paid for it, the running of the actual election, i.e. the physical process of taking the votes and processing the ballots, is largely a matter of state law. Thus, it was up to each state to certify any electronic voting machine prior to use. This seemed to be going all right until it was pointed out by some techies that the process was insecure and ripe for tampering. I happen to agree with them, and I am a techie. (A long standing irony is that it’s the folks who understand the technology the most, trust it the least – because they know how fragile it is.)
Why aren’t the machines trusted? Why are they so insecure? After all, the guys who did this are professionals. Some had industry experience in making ATM’s, an area where security literally means dollars. I can only explain it as a mixture of stupidity and laziness, because it would seem that the answer to the security problem is obvious. Of course, I also blame the federal and state governments. The solution should have been obvious to them as well, and they (particularly the fed’s) should have put out a specification, a set of requirements, for any electronic voting system, and those requirements should have ensured a high level of trust. But they didn’t. Instead, they just got out the checkbook and asked what was available.
So, what is the obvious solution? I’ve been keeping you in suspense this long, but you won’t be surprised. After all, it is the obvious solution: paper backups. That’s right, annoying, troublesome, chad-hanging paper. However, this inclusion of paper seems to be an anathema to the electronic voting companies – a surprise given that ATM’s have to produce paper receipts and have done so for over twenty years. Some even say that paper is an invitation to even more fraud, but I just don’t see it. Paper is much harder to forge than bits. It’s physical, and it’s spread out in a lot of places.
So here’s Dan’s fraud-resistant voting system. I’d say fraud-proof, but I can’t be certain. Still, it’s pretty good.
Step 1: Voter steps into the booth. She votes on the electronic screen, using some input device, i.e. touch-screen, wheel, mouse, keyboard, etc.
Step 2: Machine prints a receipt (image below). The user looks at the receipt and the screen and confirms that they match. If there’s a problem, or if she just changed her mind, she can call over the polling official who will enter a code to reset the machine and also destroy the receipt – then go back to step 1.
Step 3: Once the voter is satisfied that the machine and the receipt are in agreement, she hits enter on the machine and puts her receipt into the traditional, locked ballot box.
Step 4: At the end of the day, the votes are uploaded from the machines, moving up the precinct chain to the county and state levels where winners are determined promptly.
Step 5: The day after the election, the paper receipts are tallied by electronic readers (details below). This happens for every election, not just if it’s close, not just if someone asks for a recount. It happens no matter what. If there was massive fraud on the purely electronic version, it will show up immediately.
Step 6: A small percentage of paper receipts are chosen at random to be inspected by hand to make sure that the electronic readers are reading them accurately. If there was massive and matching fraud on the readers, it should show up in this manual inspection.
Step 7: Any major or minor discrepancies between electronic and paper totals can be investigated to look for either fraud or simple mechanical, electronic, or systemic failure.
Step 8: Once any discrepancies have been cleared up or declared trivial, the appropriate state or county official will certify the election results. This is a process that occurs even now, and it’s this action that makes the results official, not the initial reports on election night.
Since I’m asking you for so much faith in this piece of paper, let’s look at it:

First of all, note that it is in all-caps optical-character-recognition (OCR) font. Given the redundancy noted below, reading this should be very reliable, or at least, it will be highly unlikely for an error to slip through.
It should be printed on either common 8.5 x 11 paper or a common roll-paper. The idea is that if a machine runs out of paper due to heavy turnout, polling officials should be able to purchase replacement at any office supply store.
The top line records the information necessary to track the vote down to the precinct polling station and the individual machine. Thus, any cross checks between paper and electronic can track it down to a specific place and device.
The second line uniquely identifies the individual vote cast by both a number and a time stamp. Those two should proceed forward in tandem.
Next comes the votes themselves, and each vote comes in four columns, which are actually redundant pairs. The first two columns identify the choice being made, both by number on the ballot and by human-readable name. If they don’t match, something is amiss. The second two columns are the choice made, both by number on the ballot and by human-readable name. Again, if they don’t match, something is amiss.
At the bottom is a long string of hexadecimal numbers. This is a digital signature of the vote that was cast. Specifically, it is a signature of the text above it on the receipt, signed with a key that is unique to that voting machine. If the signature is wrong, then something is amiss. In addition to authenticating the paper receipt, this should act as an excellent error detection code.
Combine all of those paper features in the error checking, and discrepancies should be easy to spot and easy to track down. If there is a major discrepancy between the paper and the electronic version, enough to swing the election, then the paper must take precedence. It is harder to forge since it contains both the physical properties (physical existence, paper consistency, printing characteristics, etc.) and the mathematical properties (record of unique instance, digital signature, etc.) that make things hard to forge. And of course, if the computers do become suspect, the paper versions contain enough information to be counted by hand by human beings who are readily accountable to laws governing election fraud.
But ultimately, the best part of the error detection occurs back at step 2, when the voter confirms that the paper vote represents what she voted for electronically. You’ll have about 110 million motivated fact-checkers making sure that the system is working correctly. Everything after that is just to make sure that error-check is honored.
The ironic, nay, the sad part of all this is that I banged out the specifics here in about ninety minutes. A good team of ten or twenty technical folks could work out the software and hardware in a year. But here we sit, almost four years after the fiasco of Florida 2000, and to my knowledge, none of the electronic voting systems are as resistant to fraud or error as the one I’ve just described. I may be smart, but come on guys, I’m not that smart.
Politics /Technology by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
Meandering Miscellany
Just wrapping up a few miscellanous bits into an entry.
- I might squeeze in one more essay on electronic voting today, but then it's just humor through the election. I voted this past Wednesday, so barring armed revolution, I'm done for this season. After Wednesday's results (and I hope we have them on Wednesday), I'll askew politics for a few weeks.
- My work demands should be letting up a bit, or at least changing to be different kinds of demands. I finished off a big milestone on my project this past week. It was a week late, which I'm kicking myself for, but that's not so bad for a three month effort. The estimation technique we use produces some remarkably accurate estimates, a real rarity in software development.
- My blogging might be a little light in November. Against the wisdom of experience, work demands, family obligations over Thanksgiving, and general sanity, I've decided to try NaNoWriMo this year, where everyone who signs up tries to write their own 50,000 word novel during the month of November.
Technically, I'm cheating. I'm going to use it as a motivational tool to continue work on a novel I'd already started but gotten somewhat stalled on. However, in measuring the goal of 50,000 words, I'm only going to count what I write during November. Strangely enough, the point I'm at in it now might actually be the right place to start, filling in what I've already done via flashbacks. We'll see.
I'll post some updates on my progress, and I'll try to pick up any slack here with extra Tinfoil Beanie entries. I've got hundreds of those queued up.
- MAW is having her first migraine today. I've had migraines for years, though the anticipatory aura for mine are hard to spot. MAW actually got the traditional visual aura. My migraines tend to be seasonal, but another common migraine trigger in the broader population is stress — not the stress itself, but the release of stress. We've both been under a lot of stress lately, a combination of sick kids, sick adults, deadline pressure for me (taking me away from family obligations), and an important evaluation for Sammy (our eldest) this past Friday. In general, things are looking up now, so karma gave her one last parting gift.
- The Cowboys secondary continues to suck, but the tight-end Jason Witten is starting to look like the second coming of Jay Novachek.
- My father-in-law: He died before I could ever meet him, just a couple of months before I’d have had the chance. I’d tell him that about the men his daughters married and about his three grandchildren, especially the one who bears his name.
- Gus Grissom: He died in the Apollo 1 fire on the launch pad. I’d tell him that we did make it to the moon, that it was one of the crowning achievements of his generation. I’d tell him about the near-spotless safety record for the rest of Apollo, even how Apollo 13 survived a near-fatal accident, and how the shake-up after his death was responsible. I would not tell him about the budget cuts, the shuttle accidents, and the general malaise that NASA has fallen into.
- Franklin Roosevelt: He died in the spring of 1944, with elusive victory in World War II tantalizingly close but not in hand. I would give him the highlights of the remaining months of the war, including Hiroshima/Nagasaki, but I would go light on the breakdown of U.S.-Soviet relations.
- Joan of Arc: Well, we all know about how she died. I’d tell her that the English were eventually driven from France, but mostly, I would tell her that the church did reverse its conviction of her and eventually canonized her. She could head off into whatever afterlife awaited her (or not) secure in the knowledge of her sainthood.
- My grandmother, Hannah: She died about ten years ago, in her nineties, after a long-life as the grand matriarch of our family. I would show her pictures of her twenty-two great-grandchildren (at last count – I could be wrong), and tell her that even years after her death, we still gather for Thanksgiving every year.
- The Texas law would not be in effect unless the California law was also in effect, and vice versa.
- The Texas law would not be in effect unless the California law had been upheld by the California Supreme Court, and vice versa. This requirement may be tricky, because without an affected election, it’s possible that no one would have standing to challenge the law in the first place.
- Neither law will be in effect until the United States Supreme Court has ruled that the joint dependencies are legal and binding on the individual states. Again, this requirement may be tricky without an actual election triggering a challenge, but I would hope that the Supreme Court would see the compelling national interest and agree to hear the case prior to a Presidential election.
- Washing dishes: This totally kills the after-dinner buzz of a fine meal.
- Changing diapers: You don’t know what love really is until you’ve changed your child’s diaper, overflowing with shit... for the fourth time in one day.
- Laundry: Yeah, I know we have washing machines, but there’s the sorting, the folding, putting the clothes away, and staying on top of the whole process to keep things moving. I just want to drop my clothes into the hamper and have them show up in my wardrobe a few days later. Come to think of it, I already do that thanks to MAW, but I feel really bad about it. Not bad enough to make me do the laundry myself, mind you, but still really bad.
- Weeding: While I actually enjoy mowing the lawn now that I have my riding mower, I still hate the tedium of weeding.
- Cleaning toilets: Face it. No one likes doing this one, and no one likes it when it doesn’t get done.
- 6 months old: A plane trip to Austin to see my grandmother. For years I never knew what to make of those fleeting images, the colorful plane and being carried across the tarmac to Hannah. After all, planes weren't those colors, and you never went on the tarmac at the airport. Only later did I discover that the flight had been on the now-defunct Brannif (with those colorful planes) and that Mueller did not yet have jetways installed, thus the walk across the tarmac.
- About 18 months: I climed up onto the bottom bunk in the back office room and took a big dump in my diaper. I'm just so glad that I was able to put together the memory of the plane trip to displace this one as my earliest memory.
- About 2 years: Standing in the wading pool with my mother.
- 2-3 years: Giving up on this one pair of underwear that was so much more comfortable than the others because it was now too small. Looking back, I realize that it was a pair of training pants.
- 3 years: Playing with Chrissy in the backyard after we'd brought him home from the pound.
- 3315 Total visits. I suspect that's inflated by reloads or other artifacts, so when I initialized my counter, I pegged it in the upper 300's, and it's moving along at about 80-100 per week. Maybe I set it too low, but I just wanted to grant some credit for the early months.
- September 9 and 21st were huge spike days. I suspect a new reader went through a lot of archives.
- Peak reading time is 10pm to 1am with another peak at 10am, possibly artifacts from those peak days.
- 40% of the visits are from LiveJournal and BlogLines. I presume this is just hitting the RSS on a regular basis, so that doesn't affect the public counter. Still, I hadn't realized until then that I had a Bloglines subscriber.
- And by a margin of 5 to 1 over its closest competitor, the top search term on this site is... muppet porn! That's right, little Suzie, MUPPET PORN!
- The black, volcanic beaches of Maui. I was there once as a child during an evening thunderstorm – hardly a rarity in a place that gets over 300 inches of rain each year. It was perhaps the most surreal, alien, and beautiful spot I’ve ever seen.
- The Mall in Washington, D.C. This is really all about the place. While I’ve had some cool experiences, it’s just an incredible place to visit. Between the museums, the monuments, and the neoclassic architecture on so many of the federal buildings, it gives you some idea of what the forum must have been like in Rome’s heyday.
- William’s Creek, Colorado. My family must have made five or six camping trips there in my childhood, and it’s what cemented my love of the outdoors. In the summer, it was a great place to camp. Eighty-degree, sunny days, but cool enough at night to crowd around the campfire – but no so cold as to freeze.
- The Polynesian Resort at Disneyworld. My childhood trip to Disneyworld didn’t make that much of an impression on me, but the hotel did. Specifically, the monorail goes right into the hotel lobby. Something about that made such a huge impression on me as a kid.
- Crater Lake Oregon. This is both for the place and the experience. It was once a volcano that exploded about 7000 years ago, blowing off most of the top half of the mountain in an eruption over 40 times the size of Mt. St. Helens. It is now filled with some of the most still, blue water I have ever seen. Plus, I still have a piece of volcanic rock that was just magma condensing in the high atmosphere (several miles up) that is more air than rock. It's an easy-to-crumble rock that will actually float in water. The crater area is littered with these things, even thousands of years later.
- From the fourth movement of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, “Ode to Joy”:
Freude, schooner Gotterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alla Menschen verden Bruder,
Wo dein sanfter Flugel weilt.I like it both because it comes in very powerfully in a musical sense and because the meaning is exalting joy itself.
- From John Denver’s “Annie’s Song”:
Come, let me love you.
Let me give my life to you.
Let me drown in your laughter.
Let me die in your arms.
Let me lay down beside you.
Let me always be with you.
Come let me love you.
Come love me again.I was introduced to this about the same time I saw a good version of Cyrano De Bergerac, and the combination always made me think about being totally committed to a woman.
- From George Michael’s “Freedom 90”:
I think there’s something you should know.
I think it’s time I stopped the show.
There’s something deep inside of me.
There’s someone I forgot to be.
Take back your picture in a frame.
Don’t think that I’ll be back again.
I just hope you understand,
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to now is take these lies
And make them true somehowI like this because, to me, it’s a reminder that you can still change, that you can still become the person you always wanted to be. I suppose I’m pretty fucked up that at age 37 I’m still trying to grow up into someone else. (Midlife crisis countdown: 1074 days)
- From Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work”:
I should be crying but I just can’t let it show.
I should be hoping but I can’t stop thinking
Of all the things we should have said but were never said,
All the things we should have done that we never did,
All the things that you needed from me,
All the things that you wanted for me,
All the things I should have given but I didn’t.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away, now.This one is all about grief and regrets. Basically, it’s instant catharsis for me, but I’m often reminded of bits of it as a reminder not to commit sins of omission.
- From Tori Amos’ “Little Earthquakes”:
We danced in graveyards with vampires til dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings never afraid to burn.To me, this song is about personal decay after a youth of vitality, and this particular line shows the height of the arrogance and power of that vitality. The image it presents is just so rich to me. I don’t read much fantasy, but that image hints of a story of old warriors who aren’t quite ready to fade away, who want one last chance to ride into the breech. It’s a story I’d like to read, but I don’t know if it exists. I might just have to write it to exorcise it.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
Arkansas Quarter
Cumming soon from the U.S. Mint:

Politics /Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 30, 2004
Mother Hillary...

Forgive me if I'm a little punchy. I've had eight hours of sleep in the last sixty-eight.
Politics /Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 29, 2004
Friday Five: Exit Interviews
This week’s question come from me:
At the moment of death, when you realize that there's no way out, you worry about those being left behind -- at least, we think we will. But this isn't about who we would worry about. Instead, it's about those who have already died. If you could go back and do a five minute "exit interview" with them, you could tell them the good (or bad) news about what happened in the years that followed. Which five people would you do this for? What would you be sure to tell them in those few minutes?
You know, when I think of these questions, I generally have a good idea of what answers I’d provide, but when they show up for real... well, here goes:
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
Arnie responds...
Arnold Schwarzenegger responds to Mel Gibson's opposition to California's stem cell referendum:

Politics /Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Kitty-Litter Cake Recipe
Liberally stoken from the Keeper (I'd just link, but he keeps no archives):

Cake or over-ripe kitty litter box? Here's the recipe:
Kitty Litter Dessert
1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared
1 large pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls®
1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans). Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.
Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix until completely colored.
When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Important: mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it too soggy. Combine gently. Line a new, clean kitty litter box. Put the cake/pudding/cookie mixture into the litter box.
Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls bury them in the mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly on top of everything -- this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.
Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around for a truly disgusting effect!
(Final kudos to the Keeper, a guy who's been posting daily updates, a.k.a. blogging, for nine years now. He's been blogging since before blogging existed.)
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
October 28, 2004
What flavor is that?
More political humor...

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October 27, 2004
Red Sox!!
It's nice to see their choice of "Top Story":

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Washington Pricks
More political humor...

All I can say is, "Way to go Colin!"
Politics /Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 26, 2004
Young Spock...
Finishing off the season with some political humor...

Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 25, 2004
Some Thoughts on the Electoral College
As we approach another tight election, I’ve been thinking about the Electoral College as well as the 2000 election. So I just wanted to make a few points before we go through it again. (Pardon the occasional invective -- it's mostly in jest.)
Bush won the 2000 election.
That’s right. He didn’t steal it. It wasn’t given to him by the Supreme Court. He just won it. The only thing the Supreme Court did was put an end to a circus that should have lasted days instead of weeks. When the news organizations did the recount later anyway, Bush still won Florida and thus the Electoral College, and for those of us paying attention to the U.S. Constitution, that’s what matters – not the popular vote.
So admit it. Bush was properly elected President in 2000.
Get over it, you fucking whiners.
Prepare for a Repeat.
With a week to go, the election is too close to call. While Bush has been holding a 2-5% lead over Kerry among likely voters, the EC vote has been fluctuating wildly with Florida, Pennsylvania, and Ohio flip-flopping faster than Kerry on an appropriations bill. So, we might see a repeat of 2000, except it’s quite possible it will be Bush winning the popular vote and Kerry taking the office with the EC vote.
If that happens, I expect Republicans to shrug and say “Those are the breaks.” I expect, nay, demand an apology from those Democrats who have been complaining about living under a coup d’etat for the last four years. Ok, I don’t really expect an apology. I expect them to be taunting Republicans instead. No offense to present company, but I’m not expecting this angry subset of Democrats be magnanimous in this event.
The Electoral College Distorts the Popular Vote.
This is nothing new. Mostly it’s been a case of turning a decent popular victory into an EC landslide, but 2000 was not the first time a President lost the popular vote but got in on the EC vote. In 1876, Hayes won the Presidency by one EC vote, but lost the popular vote by about 3% – six times larger than the Bush-Gore gap. Did the country end? No.
The biggest problem with the Electoral College vs. the popular vote is the winner-take-all nature of the state-by-state votes. As we saw in 2000, 537 popular votes caused all 25 of Florida’s EC votes to swing to Bush, rather than a more equitable 13-12 split. While we all talk about Florida, this same problem effectively disenfranchises about 40% of the voters in California, Texas, and New York. Their votes for the locally-unpopular candidate won’t translate to a single EC vote this year.
The Electoral College Affects the Popular Vote.
So why should they even vote? Bush is lambasted as having no popular mandate from 2000 – even though he did receive more votes than Clinton did in either 1992 or 1996 – because he lost the popular vote by half a percent. But I have to ask myself, how many Republicans in California and New York stayed home on Election Day, because they knew their vote would not alter the EC vote? For that matter, how many Democrats in Texas did the same? Considering that those three states hold about a quarter of the nation’s population, small changes in the minority party’s voter turnout could dwarf that half-a-percent margin.
Alternatively, if it’s not going to change the EC vote, why shouldn’t they cast their vote for a third party protest candidate? I know some voters who voted for third party candidates because their states were foregone conclusions. Some New Yorkers voted for Nader, because they knew Gore would carry New York anyway. Likewise, some Texans voted for Buchanan or the Libertarian candidate, because they knew Bush would carry Texas. Did some of them truly believe these candidates would make the best President? Certainly, but I suspect most did it as a sign of protest against their more natural party.
Can This Change?
No, and yes. The Electoral College is here to stay. Changing it would require a constitutional amendment, and that is not going to happen. It would require the approval of two-thirds of the Senate (most of which is elected from low population states) and three-fourths of the states (most of which have lower populations). The framers of the constitution built in protections for the less populous states to give them a voice that could not be completely drowned out by the states with large urban centers. Eliminating the Electoral College would require the smaller states to voluntarily use this voice in support of the very act of losing it. You can rail against this as being unfair to Texans and Californians, but that’s the political reality.
But nothing says that the winner-take-all aspect has to stay. The assignment of a state’s EC votes is a matter of state law. It was California that decided to award its 55 EC votes in a single block, just as it was for Texas, New York, Florida, and so on. I’m not sure how it got started, but at present we’re a little stuck. The Democrats don’t want to give up California’s solid block of 55 any more than Republican’s want to give up Texas’ 34 or Ohio’s 20. It’s a little like the detente of the Cold War. No one wants to disarm, especially not first.
Colorado is currently leading the way with just such a disarmament, though it is hardly a bastion for either party. In addition to the Presidential election, Colorado voters will be voting on a referendum to split the state’s nine EC votes in proportion to the popular vote within the state. This is a grand plan, much better than other proposals to do winner-take-all within individual congressional districts – that seems to be just one more excuse to go gerrymandering. A compromise between the two would be to make two EC votes winner-take-all across the state (much akin to their Senate seats) with the rest being divided in proportion to the popular vote.
But while that’s fine for Colorado’s nine EC votes, it doesn’t make much of an impression on California squaring off against Texas. How can we get these larger states to disarm? The same way America and the Soviet Union backed away from the Cold War, through verifiable treaties. Here’s how the analogy translates. California and Texas jointly draft a law describing how the EC votes will be proportionally distributed in each of their states, each using the same plan. The laws would not go into effect until three verifications had occurred.
If those three verifications were met, then the laws would go into effect and be virtually immune to legal challenge, having already been upheld at the highest state and federal levels. The only problem is how to make it happen since the two largest states (Texas and California) are not of equal size. California Democrats would look upon this as a bad deal, just as Texas Republicans would if New York made them the same offer. I would like to think that they might see beyond the short term politics to see a better future for our country, but these are difficult times. Perhaps it would be better for Democrats to remember that California has voted Republican before and that Texas was yellow-dog Democrat country not that long ago.
Alternatively, David Brin suggests that we start smaller, perhaps disarming Idaho and Rhode Island first. That might be the only way we can make it happen in the current political landscape, but if we do get another mismatch between the popular and EC votes this year, there just might be enough popular support for thinking big, disarming several of the largest states in one shot.
If you think this is a good idea, I encourage you to think globally and act locally. If you live in Colorado, support this referendum. If not, especially if you live in one of the larger states, write to your state representatives in support of such a plan. If enough state politicians can reach across the divide to the opposing party in another state, not only might we fix this electoral aberration, but it wouldn’t be such a bad example to show our Congress-critters in Washington, D.C.
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (5)
I shot myself in the head... really!
Despondant after the Cowboys pitiful performance on Sunday, I turned the camera on myself and fired off several rounds.
This was a low-tech setup, just shot at arms-length with built-in flash. To really do it right, I needed to setup the tripod, the lighting system (that I'm still shopping for), and either figure out the camera's timer or just get a remote trigger.
And yes, I need to shave.
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October 23, 2004
In the doghouse...

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October 22, 2004
Friday Five: That's One Depressed Robot
Today’s question comes from Gord.
Imagine that you had a robot custom-built for your home, but one of limited abilities. It is, after all, one of the first domestic bots ever built. Which five tasks, chores, or jobs would you have it configured for, if it were limited to five specific tasks?
I wonder how Marvin the Robot felt upon his awakening. The intellect... the insight... the mop. Brain the size of a planet, indeed.
Still, here's what I'd have my bot working on, planet-sized brain or not.
Wait -- was this a “fully functional” robot?
Damn.
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 21, 2004
Quote or original?
Somethings been running through my head for about a week now, and I can't figure out if it's just something my brain created or if it's a quote. It's rather unoriginal, so I suspect it's a quote. I just can't find an attribution or another instance of it anywhere. Maybe it's well known, and I'm just misquoting it.
Pornography is the canary of free speech.
Anyone?
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
October 19, 2004
It was the best of things. It was the worst of things.
The best thing today was finding out that I do not have strep throat. Everybody at my place has been sick the last several days, and today we all got to see our respective doctors. Catherine had a double-ear infection, while Sammy and Tommy had strep throat. Seeing as how strep throat sent me to the E.R. earlier this year, it was nice to know that I didn't have it. The low fever, headaches, and sore throat are probably just after affects of a stomach virus and a cold.
The worst thing today was finding out that I do not have strep throat. Sufficed to say that my gag reflex could be used to power interstellar spaceflight.
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October 18, 2004
Gay marriage & polygamy
I just read an op/ed in the WSJ (subscription required) about gay marriage leading to polygamy. It presented this as a bad thing and a reason to oppose gay marriage, though I disagree with both the conclusion and the argued opposition. However, it highlighted a few legal items that I thought I'd pass on.
First, that the Supreme Court's 2003 Lawrence decision, striking down anti-sodomy laws, "recognized the constitutional right to engage in any form of consensual sexual relation," presumably including multiple partners. And second -- and somewhat more plausibly given that Lawrence is about private sexual practices and says nothing about marriage -- that Reynolds v. U.S., the 1878 Supreme Court decision that upheld a ban on polygamy in the United States territories, is so filled with racist innuendo and cavalier attitudes about religious freedom that it would be unlikely to pass muster today.
...
Several legal cases pleading the cause of polygamy are already in motion. In Bronson v. Swensen, a Utah threesome has filed suit against the Salt Lake County Clerk's office for denying them a marriage license. Their attorney, who, like Mr. Turley, specializes in civil rights cases, argues that if Texas cannot criminalize sodomy, Utah should not be able to criminalize polygamy -- though again, why the right to commit sodomy implies anything about marriage, let alone marriage with multiple or same-sex partners, is unclear. In another case, Tom Green, facing a prison sentence because he was "married" to four women (though he never sought a license with any of them), is appealing to the Supreme Court on the grounds that the state has violated his religious freedom.
I should point out that my interest in this subject is largely hypothetical, but with MAW and the kids all down sick with a stomach virus right now, the idea of having another adult or two living in the household is very appealing. (Note, however, that a friend of mine is in a polygamous household, so it is somewhat concrete.)
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 17, 2004
But officer, I had to speed...

I want these!
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 16, 2004
I am a Lucas-holic
(with apologies and sympathy to real AA members)
Hello, my name is Dan, and I am a Lucas-holic.
I’ve been Lucas-free for fifty-one days. I’ve been in the program for almost sixteen years now, and while this last lapse was a pretty small one, it was still a pretty scary one. I told myself I was just going to watch the light-saber duel at the end of Phantom Menace, but before I knew it, I was watching the whole thing from Coruscant to the end, including all the Jar-Jar scenes. Fortunately, I was able to walk it off before my wife and family came home. But for you to truly understand my battle with this addiction, I need to take you back to the beginning.
Like most Lucas-holics of my generation, I got hooked on the big one, Star Wars, long before it was even called “A New Hope”. I didn’t know anything about it, but all my friends were seeing it, so I gave into peer pressure and went to it. I blame my parents too, I suppose, since they acted as the enablers for my addiction, even taking me to see it that first time. I remember the drive home, jumping between excited and quiet, riding that cheap emotional thrill that we all know so well.
At the tender age of nine, I was hooked. It’s a familiar story. The first one is free, but then you’re back for more, blowing all your allowance, selling your treasured G.I. Joe’s to get the money together, even trying to borrow against future chores. In that first year, I saw it eleven times, but not satisfied with that, I had to bring others into it as well. I’m not sure what’s happened to all of them, but every day I curse myself for what I did to their lives.
I was a full-on Lucas-holic, and I was too young to even understand what was happening to me. I collected the pictures, the notebooks, the trading cards. My prize pieces were a card and a notebook bearing an image that didn’t even occur in the film: Luke’s X-Wing firing on Vader’s TIE fighter. Fortunately for me, I never made the jump to the heavier drugs of the action figures and the models. My older brother and his friends spent hours assembling an eight-inch replica of Vader’s TIE fighter. I wanted to join in too, but they told me I was too young for such heavy stuff. What a lucky disappointment.
I rode this out for another year and a half, and I was just getting sober, so to speak, when Lucas struck back with Empire. You know, I probably could have just walked away from Lucas, content that my obsession had just been a phase, but Empire left me with no choice. It was the purest opiate, the fiercest crack, the most euphoric of ecstasies. It was perhaps the most bitter irony that Lucas’ one moment of genius would damn us all to suffer through his years of drivel. A single bite of the forbidden fruit, and we were damned to forever walk the wilderness.
I fell in with a pretty bad crowd after that, hardcore action figure collectors, model collectors, script memorizers, and so forth. I look back on those days with conflicting emotions. It was a time of great joy as we reveled in our addiction to Lucas. He was our god, and he could do know wrong. As a sign of our delusion, we saw his Indiana Jones collaboration as lifting Spielburg to his level. So, in a sense, I look back on that time fondly, with nostalgia for our innocence, but I also look back and hate it. That was the time that cast the painful core of my addiction, that belief that Lucas would always deliver, that he was the god of cinema. No matter how often he disappoints me, no matter how cheesy the storyline, even despite the taste of bile in my mouth, that emotional core is still there whispering, “Don’t worry about this – the good part is coming up next.”
I rode that addiction right through the two-hour line for Jedi, through the cheesy Luke-Jabba confrontation, past the contrived death of Yoda, the inflationary promotion of everyone to general, and yes, even through the Ewoks. Still, I did leave the theater feeling somewhat off. I couldn’t quite identify it at the time, but even then, I knew that my Lucas high wasn’t what I’d been expecting. The answer, clearly, was more Lucas. But Jedi only lasted for so long, and then Star Wars was gone.
I rode through the withdrawal for a while, just subsisting on reciting the movies with friends, and eventually, alone. Don’t look at me that way. You’ve all been there. It’s Saturday night. The only thing on is a Love Boat rerun. Someone makes a comment about the size of a girl’s... well, I can see you’re already ahead of me. “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?” From there, it’s a short trip to “We’ll meet you at the rendezvous point on Tatooine.”
Eventually, the memories alone weren’t enough, so I started hitting the other Lucas offerings, putting up with anything in search of that high. THX-1138, Willow, those were at least respectable. I could talk to my friends about those, but before long, I was strung out on things like The Ewok Adventure or Droids. Finally, I bottomed out. I was staying up late on a school night to see Howard The Duck on Showtime. A few of you are nodding your heads, but it’s worse. At the same time, just one channel up, Cinemax was showing The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak. They say Lucas-holism is purely a mental addiction, but if that’s not proof of hormonal damage, I don’t know what is.
Shortly afterwards, thanks to Lucas-holics Anonymous, I began my long road towards recovery. But as we all know, it’s a day by day affair. I don’t think I could have done it without the strength of my wife, who I should say has been Lucas-free for over five years. That’s right, five years, so we should know that there is hope. It is possible.
I do want to share one last story with you tonight, my most painful fall off the wagon since the Duck. It was 1999. Yes, you all know what that means. I thought I was past the addiction. I’d seen the special editions in the theaters and been able to see that Lucas was a fool, a cheap trickster at best. Even Empire had left me a little flat. I thought perhaps I’d finally reached the point where I could have some Lucas socially, you know, with friends, without diving into a weekend of Lucas bingeing.
But in the spring of 1999, I’d starting hoping again. I began to entertain the fantasy that Jedi had been a fluke, an aberration in the genius that was Lucas. Here was his chance to redeem himself to us, to show us the fateful tale of the fall of the Republic and of Annakin’s painful journey to the dark side. Surely, this was a tale as heart-rending and tragic as Hamlet or Oedipus Rex. What we had seen before was just the coda of that tale. Here we would see the real story.
And so I took my place in line to buy tickets. Now, I was at least sane enough not to camp out for days. I was satisfied to merely purchase tickets for the first morning showing, not the 12:01am showings. But I did stand there for three hours with my fellow addicts, taking turns at an overfull port-a-potty, and sharing drinks and snacks. It was 1980 all over again, hanging out with my hardcore Star Wars friends, reveling over the majesty of Lucas’ storytelling abilities.
The lowest point was when they actually starting selling the tickets. They had been counting down the ticket-sale time for the previous hour, and the line was slowly compressing forward as the zero-hour approached. And then it happened. The word came rippling down the line that the booth was open, and one solitary figure came running back down the length of the line, his bounty held high – a strip of twelve tickets flapping in the air. We were in the ice station of Hoth, and central control had just made the announcement: “The first transport is away! The first transport is away!” That emotional core was still there, burning hot, and for that moment, I believed, I really believed that Lucas had done it, that it was going to be a beautiful experience.
Fortunately, I have the support of family and friends, and they organized an intervention before I was able to get back to see Phantom Menace for the fourth time. They got me back into the program, and I’ve been doing pretty well since. My sponsor did let me go see Attack of the Clones, but I had a chaperone both for buying the ticket and for the showing itself. (Two different chaperones, of course, lest we both fall off the wagon.) I got through that pretty well. I’ve had twins since then, a boy and a girl, and I succeeded in not naming them Luke and Leia.
Of course, we all know that some rough times are ahead. The special edition is out on DVD now, so Christmas is going to be especially hard this year, and I don’t need to remind you what’s coming next spring. Just remember, if we’re strong for each other, we can make it through this next year Lucas-free.
May the Force be
Sorry. Good luck, and may Peter Jackson protect you.
Narrative by Dan | Permalink | Comments (5)
October 15, 2004
Friday Five:
Today's question comes from Laura:
"There was a light and then someone hit me..." What are your five earliest memories?
I think about this a lot as I watch my own young children. Every now and then I wonder, "Will this moment be his earliest memory?" I just hope it's one of my better moments.
As for my earliest memories:
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 14, 2004
Tit-for-tat loses iterated Prisoner's Dilemma game
There's a classic game theory problem called the Prisoner's Dilemma about cooperation vs. dirty tricks. An iterated variation has previously been shown that a simple strategy called "tit for tat" has won for many years, and many social scientists have hailed it as a sign that free markets breed cooperation between actors/players.
Now, however, a pair of programs has defeated the venerable tit-for-tat in the annual competition. (Also, see Slashdot.) In this twist on cooperation, the two programs recognize each other, and one becomes a willing victim to the other's despotic behavior. In this scenario, the despot wins because his willing victim gives him an edge over tit-for-tat which is the poster child for fair play. The victim, on the other hand, fairs about as badly as possible.
While this is a little shocking in the game theory community, it is perhaps more disturbing in the larger social science community.
Jennings is also interested in testing the strategy on an evolutionary variant of the game in which each player plays only its neighbors on a grid. If your neighbors do better than you do, you adopt their strategy. "Our initial results tell us that ours is an evolutionarily stable strategy -- if we start off with a reasonable number of our colluders in the system, in the end everyone will be a colluder like ours," he said.
If carried into the real world (as tit-for-tat was), it would imply that the path towards greatest community efficiency is for most of us to become utter slaves to an annointed few, with those annointed cannibalizing their own ranks when the slaves were depleted. Reserve any trite comments about current wealth distributions. I'm talking instead about the kind of disproportionate treatment that made medieval Europe look like the center of enlightenment. The only modern examples of this kind of strategy that come to mind are Nazi Germany and a terrorist organization (where front-line martyrs sacrifice all for their self-interested masters).
Still, I'm not that worried. Individuals will voluntarily subordinate their self-interest to the level required in tit-for-tat, but even that requires a reward. After all, tit-for-tat promises that if you and everyone else plays by its rules, then you'll do better as an upstanding citizen than as a self-interested criminal. However, I do not think that individuals will volunarily subordinate their self-interest to play the role of slave in this master-slave strategy. While we've certainly seen rampant slavery (in name or in fact) over the course of human history, we've also seen that the slaves eventually rebel against their masters. As a result, I believe human nature will keep this strategy from being a sustainable one in the real world.
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October 13, 2004
But honey, I brought butter...

Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 12, 2004
Paying their fair share?
A short snippet from a Wall Street Journal op/ed on Kerry and taxes:
According to the Kerrys' own tax records, and they have not released all of them, the couple had a combined income of $5.5 million last year and paid $704,000 in income taxes. That means their effective tax rate was a whopping 12.8%. And it was all (presumably) done legally.
...
The Kerrys have unwittingly made the case for what George W. Bush says he wants to do: radically simplify and flatten out the tax code. Dick Armey and Steve Forbes have persuasively argued over the years that America should have a flat tax with a rate of 17% to 19%. John Kerry has consistently opposed a flat tax, because he says it would be a tax break for the rich. But the truth is with a 19% flat tax, some rich people with lavish tax shelters, like John Kerry, would pay more taxes. I calculate that the Kerrys would pay another $500,000 of taxes if we had a flat tax.
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Pioneering Gravity?
Here's an article about an unexpected slowdown in the Pioneer probes leaving the solar system.
Some are suggesting that the probes coincidentally both leaking fuel is precisely the same way to cause the same decelleration. Others suggest that they're running into a medium that's slowing them down, perhaps unpredicted dust, or perhaps the mysterious dark matter -- something I've always been skeptical about. The other alternative, which most physicists are uncomfortable with, is that perhaps our understanding of gravity is flawed. That last possibility is most likely, IMO, simply because I think it's extreme hubris to believe that we have it all figured out. Every scientific model before our current one has held that belief, and they've all been wrong about it.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 11, 2004
Web Hosting: Good, Bad, and Oddly
I have recently been moving some of my domains from one web host to another, and I want to reward and punish these hosts with a little publicity. Plus, I want to share odd bits I discovered when checking out my usage statistics.
IDCSoft.com has always hosted this blog, and now hosts two of my other domains. (Why so many domains? One is primarily for email with a nice short name@domain string, and the other is for web experimentation before making something go live elsewhere.) Anyway, IDCSoft is cheap ($5/month minus a volume discount) and so far, very reliable. I've had barely a hiccup, and their support staff has been very helpful in helping get things setup. Thanks to Marvin for pointing me their way.
ADDR.COM on the other hand, SUCKS DONKEY DICKS!! Ok, they were decent at first, though they were pricier at $10/month. The big problem turned out to be email reliability. My whole reason for getting my own email domain was so that I could finally be in control of my email once and for all. I wouldn't have to change the address at the whim of a corporate merger. I wouldn't have to be dan29829284@everyone.com. And most importantly, my email accessibility wouldn't be at the whim of some flunkie in the NOC.
I actually ran my own server for that reason on my own DSL line, and everything was grand, but then I lost my fixed-IP arrangement in 2002, so I moved to ADDR.COM. There were no real problems for the first several months, but then I started getting this persistant error about not being able to log in to get my mail. Working with their support, I discovered it was because they were letting the drive on their mail server get full. First of all, disks are cheap, so buy more. Second, everytime this happened, I would email them (from work, my only reliable option in that case) to tell them, and they would fix it. But I mean, come on, why should I have to be their trouble-detector? After it happened a few times, you'd think they'd set up an automated detection system, perhaps one that even spotted the disk space getting low ahead of time.
But I could live with this kind of low-level incompetance if it saved me the day-to-day hassles of running my own server. The real deal-breaker was when they started installing spam filters on the server. Spam doesn't really affect me all that much since I have been using SpamBayes for over a year. I get a few hundred spams every day, but they all go right into my spam folder with an extraordinarily high accuracy. What these bozos at ADDR.COM did instead was to just install an black-list. Suddenly, MAW was being told that mail from her mailing lists was bouncing or just disappearing. We tracked it down to these server-side spam filters.
When we complained, they said that they were doing these filters to protect us, their customers. Well, we can protect ourselves better than they can, so we told them to shut it off. Alas, they couldn't, but we could whitelist any address by sending email to it through their SMTP server. That would be fine, except for the fact that we couldn't send out through their SMTP server. We tracked it down to the point where we could see we were contacting their server, but that they were refusing us, even though we were using the right password. They could see the problem on their end but couldn't fix it immediately. Instead, they added to the whitelist manually for us.
This held as an uneasy truce over the summer, but when I was setting up this site, I certainly didn't want to add one more site to my problems with ADDR.COM. I hadn't gotten to the point of moving the exising domains, but I was at least open to the idea. And then, last month, they reset the whitelist, and the mailing lists were dropped. By this point, MAW was contacting ADDR's support directly and reading them the riot act. They said there were still fine-tuning their spam filter.
Well, that was pretty much the final straw for me. As Paul Graham said:
False positives seem to me a different kind of error from false negatives. Filtering rate is a measure of performance. False positives I consider more like bugs.
So my email had become buggy, unreliable. I could no longer assume that any real mail to me would reach me. I was left wondering, did that other photographer never get back to me, or was his email just eaten by the server filter? My nice email account had suddenly lost a lot of its value, its assumed reliability.
So, I emailed ADDR.COM to request that this server-side filter be turned off for my account. They said that they could not turn it on or off on a per-account basis, but that they were working on it. I asked when they would finish with this upgrade in order to have that ability. They didn't know. So, they couldn't fix it today, and they didn't know when they could fix it. It was ultimatum time. I told them that if they couldn't give me a schedule for the fix within one week, then they didn't deserve my business. I waited one week and never got a response.
That weekend, I moved the first of my domains there, the experimental one. In response to my account cancellation, I received an email (my first since the ultimatum) which read:
It is extremely disheartening to learn that you would like to close your account with us. If it is due to any fault of ours, kindly accept my apologies. I would be grateful if you would let me know if anything needs immediate attention on our part. If there is something that needs to be altered to make you reconsider your decision, kindly intimate me about it. I assure you that it shall be my top most priority to set it right.
Oh yeah, I'll intimate them about it. Sufficed it to say, his offer of assistance was far too little, far too late. I simply referred him to the support ticket number and explained that I would not be reconsidering.
I should point out that IDCSoft does offer server-side spam filtering, but it's entirely configurable by the customer on a site-by-site and even mailbox-by-mailbox basis.
One last bit of oddities. I did some digging through the usage reports for this site, seeing what statistics IDCSoft would provide. These are all from September:
I still have one more domain to move, and that will be the trickiest since it has a message board, and I'd like to move the messages, too. I'll try transplanting it to the experimental one first as a test. Wish me luck.
Technology by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 10, 2004
Personal reflections on Stand By Me
I tried to go see Stand By Me tonight down at the Alamo Drafthouse, but they had sold out before I got there. I had intended to buy tickets in advance, but it just didn’t happen. I had to work Friday night and Saturday morning, and then Saturday afternoon I was watching Sam and Catherine while MAW went to Linucon with Tommy. I had more childcare duties this morning and spent some of the rest of the day dealing with a fire at work. I suspect that by noon today it was already too late. When I asked at the ticket booth, the guy glanced up from his book and gave me that you-must-be-kidding look, but he was nice enough to merely say, “Sorry, it’s sold out.”
I looked around to see if Andrew (or any other familiar faces) had arrived yet, but I didn’t see anyone — it was still an hour before show time. So, I tucked my copy of Just A Geek under my arm and called MAW to tell her. She gave me an order for McDonalds to pick up on the way home, and then I was pulling back out onto Anderson. On the way home, I tried to remember the last time I’d seen Stand By Me, but I couldn’t. For that matter, I couldn’t remember the first time I’d seen it either. In fact, I could only remember one time, though I know I’ve seen it much more. Long before I got to McDonald’s I realized why that was.
It was a Saturday night in November, 1987, a week or two before Thanksgiving. In the dorm, we’d started a mini-tradition of dragging a TV and VCR to the big study lounge on our floor and watching one or two movies. I was playing a fairly big role in this because I had some of the hardware and a large collection of movies taped from cable at home in the summers. (I was still young enough to program a VCR in those days.) I don’t remember now what movies I’d been considering that night, but I do recall that the other films we watched in that study lounge ran the gamut from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Commando to Gilliam’s Brazil. (Someone may be about to correct me that we watched Brazil in my room, but that’s just because D&D was running late that day.) Still, you get the idea — this was not chick-flick central. But that night I chose Stand By Me.
Why? Well, there was this girl I’d been hanging around with for the last two or three weeks. She was cute, and while I had been chasing other skirts all semester, I was starting to think of her in that way. I didn’t realize how much, just that she was attractive, and I’d been having a lot of fun hanging out and talking with her. Two things were putting on the brakes though. First, she already had a boyfriend. Her high school sweetheart was at another university a couple of hours away. Actually, it was only an hour away the way he drove, but you get the picture. Second, her father had just died suddenly a few weeks before, and she was taking it pretty hard. She’d gone home for the whole hospital drama and the funeral, and to his credit, her boyfriend had gone as well, just missing her flight by a few minutes. Anyway, I figured she could use a softer film instead of one filled with explosions, and Stand By Me had enough guy stuff to satisfy the rest of the audience.
Her boyfriend was in town for the weekend, so I hadn’t seen much of her that day, but she did show up after dinner for movie night. I’d staked out the good sofa spot for us — yes, including her boyfriend — and we got underway with about twenty of us packed in there. I’d already seen the movie before, so I knew what to expect, but as things moved on, I began to wonder if this had been such a good idea. Here was young Gordie Lachance coming to grips with the recent death of his older brother, and sitting next to me was this girl just coming to grips with the death of her father. Ok, rack one up in the stupidity column for Dan, but it was still a great film. By the end of it, she was in tears, sobbing into her boyfriend’s shoulder. Yep, I sure made his weekend.
There was little I could do but help empty the room and keep the two of them stocked with Kleenex. Eventually, she fell asleep on that sofa, and I brought her a pillow and blanket while her boyfriend maintained a vigil. I didn’t sleep much that night, mostly walking the halls between bouts of staring at the dark ceiling. It was then that I realized how hard I’d fallen for her, but I couldn’t do anything for her. More likely I could only make things worse. She was in a new city, trying to make a long-distance relationship work, and she’d just lost her father. The last thing she needed was some new guy trying to find the angle to take over for that distant boyfriend. (She’d already attracted a few of those.)
About the only thing I could do was be a friend, just a friend, so I resolved to do just that. I might have entertained a notion that I was being pure or noble, but mostly I figured I was being less stupid than I’d been before. These are things you’re just supposed to do — a down payment on karma, if nothing else. It was one of the longest nights of my life, but I grew up a lot. Now, this all has very little to do with Stand By Me, but I doubt any of it would have happened if I’d chosen Commando instead. So I became her friend. We ate dinner together, walked to classes, even watched some more movies. It turns out, she liked explosions. It was a time of fun and simple pleasures.
But you know, karma is a funny thing. Eventually, the boyfriend showed up less and less, and she sent signals that she was open to more than friendship. The content of those signals is another story, one which will require alcohol to extract from me, but it was hard to mistake them. I mostly let her set the pace, and she did break up with her boyfriend. Pity, though, because he really was a good guy. Ultimately, we did date, but by then I’d already learned a valuable lesson. When things aren’t working out for you, help someone else first.
I didn’t get to see Stand By Me tonight, so I picked up dinner for MAW and spent the evening with her and the kids. Tommy has a stomach bug, but Sammy, Catherine and I played a lot before bed. By the end, I was feeling pretty good, not even disappointed. After all, this is the good stuff.
I suppose I still remember that night so clearly because after almost seventeen years, that girl is still my friend. In fact, she is My Amazing Wife. I think the next time I watch Stand By Me, it will be with her.
Narrative by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
Town Hall Geek Debate
I didn’t get to see this most recent presidential debate, but I read an interesting article about it beforehand. Apparently, the only qualification for these “undecided voters” was to have told Gallup that yes, they might still vote for the other guy. That seems like a pretty flimsy qualification. After all, even I might still vote for the other guy. I might have a seizure in the voting booth and fill in the wrong circle. So, it would have been quite possible to pack the debate with extremely biased questions, one way or the other. But then I thought, why go to all that trouble of infiltrating a debate and waste it on a partisan exercise, especially when you could use it to ask some questions that really matter?
So I present, the Town Hall Geek Debate.
Question: Senator Kerry, in Star Trek (original series) episode 39, Kirk and Uhura take the turbolift to Sickbay, and it’s clear from the light panel that they have gone to deck 12, but it has been well established that Sickbay was on deck 7. How do you explain this discrepancy?
Kerry: Well, that can easily be explained by the fact that this was the alternate-reality version of the Enterprise, the I.S.S. Enterprise, and it’s clearly a sign of such imperialism to push the priority of health care to the lower decks.
Bush: While the Senator believes he can massage this away with political rhetoric, he has overlooked the point that the ships were supposed to be virtually identical. How else could Scotty have redirected the transporter power so easily on a ship with such radical redesigns? Clearly, he doesn’t have his facts straight.
Kerry: Well, if he wants to get radical, the truth to it is that there was actually a scene using one of the inter-deck ladders that got cut because it showed a little too much of Uhura’s leg, thus explaining the deck discrepancy. So soon after television’s first interracial kiss between Kirk and Uhura, NBC couldn’t afford to show a black woman in such a sexual way – all because of the close-mindedness of some folks down where the President hails from.
Bush: I’d point out that your own running mate comes from the South as well, Senator, but that’s beside the point. Your memory is faulty. That kiss was in episode 67, a full year after the airing of “Mirror, Mirror”. Who’s living in an alternate reality now, Senator?
Question: Mr. President, what is the last digit of pi? And don’t wait for the answer in the earpiece!
Bush: Seven.
Kerry: That’s the wrong digit, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
Bush: I stand by my answer. You have to have conviction in these matters.
Kerry: I just don’t think it’s fair that 90% of the work in this world is being done by only two digits, 1 and 0. When I’m president, I’ll convince some of those other digits to chip in their fair share too, maybe even getting some of those Roman numerals to carry the burden.
Question: Mr. President, Vorlon or Shadow?
Bush: Voluron, most definitely. As one of the older, more advanced nations, it’s our responsibility to take a proactive role in helping others nations evolute.
Kerry: It’s not as simple as a choice between the Vorlons and the Shadows. It’s far more nuanced, but I do have a plan for guiding us through these challenges.
Bush: You’re waffling again. Two years ago it was Voluron, and then you voted for the Shadows, and then you were all pro-Voluron again in the primaries. Then, for purely political reasons, you’re back with the Shadows again. Make up your mind, Senator. The American people have a right to know.
Kerry: I have not flip-flopped on this issue. I have staked out my position here very carefully over the months. I have not been wandering over the galactic map as you suggest. I have always been here.
Question: Senator Kerry, you have criticized this administration for spending so much research money on an orbital defense against the Goa’uld. Do you not perceive them to be a threat?
Kerry: The greatest threat today is naquadah proliferation. That’s right naquadah proliferation. As much as we may fear the Goa’uld or the Replicators, the truth is that over 95% of all gate traffic goes unscreened. All it takes is one backpack naq-bomb, and it’s goodbye Cheyenne.
Bush: That’s why we have to go after both the terrorists and the system lords that sponsor them. Terrorists don’t have the resources to refine naquadah on their own, so we have to clamp down on those who could.
Kerry: Then does that apply to our so-called allies, the Tok’Ra? They’re little more than a terrorist network themselves, but your administration has elevated them to the status of a key ally, even while they shield numerous Goa’uld symbiotes from our intelligence organizations.
Bush: You cannot tar an entire culture because of the acts of a few. It’s radical Goa’uldism that is our enemy, not the broader Goa’uld people. To say otherwise is to suggest that Goa’uld are incapable of peaceful democracies.
Question: Mr. President, under your administration, computer generated characters continue to struggle in the workplace. Do you plan to do anything about CGIC rights?
Bush: First of all, I dispute your assertion. CGI characters are up 57% since 2000, even appearing in Acadamy award films. Second, I’ve made a commitment in my cabinet to support CGI characters and other minorities. I already have three animatronics and a muppet in very top positions within my administration.
Kerry: While I applaud your support of these individuals, a token muppet doesn’t make up for four years of stagnation on CGI rights. Even these Uncle Yoda’s of yours are critical of your policies in this area.
Bush: This is clearly an important issue, but progress will only come with time and education. We’ve been trying to address this, but I should point out that my Jar-Jar Binks Facial Training bill was killed in the Senate by your own party’s filibuster. You claim you want to help, but you really just want to keep this as an election issue.
Kerry: That bill was nothing more than a wink and smile to help a few CGI’s that don’t really need it. Until a CGI can sue for discrimination, they will continue to be passed over in favor of the likes of Reagan and his cronies.
Question: Senator Kerry, you have stated that our military is currently stretched to its limits. If the Trade Federation intensifies its hostility, would you support the drafting of a clone army?
Kerry: Yes, I would. When the rich have to send their clones off to die on Geonosia or Naboo, they’ll think differently about supporting such follies.
Bush: I am opposed to both the draft and the clone army. We have the best army in the galaxy, equipped with the best equipment and droids that credits can buy. Besides, I think it’s in the Bible somewhere. “And thou shalt not use a zygotic process in defense of thy lands.”
Kerry: You’re clearly just supporting your friends in the battle-droid industrial complex.
Bush: And you’re violating child labor laws with your growth accelerators.
Any other questions you’d like to see answered?
Narrative /Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 09, 2004
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind tonight. I'd been tempted by it when it was in the theaters because it didn't look like the usual Jim-Carrey-as-Sillyman fare. I'm not a huge fan of Carrey, but I'd been pleasently surprised by the Truman Show several years back. It's less about his acting ability (which is actually decent) and more about his ability to pick a decent script. He's far from 100%, but this one goes in the win column.
--- A Few Minor Spoilers ---
Joel (Carrey) discovers that his girlfriend of two years, Clementine (Kate Winslet), has gone to "Lacuna" to have a doctor erase her memory of him. When he sees her in the bookstore, he's just another customer. Heartbroken, he signs up the for the same procedure.
What follows is a trip, and I do mean trip, through Joel's memories as the not-so-professional Lacuna team erases his memories that night in his apartment. Joel is mostly along for the ride through these memories, but he's also conscious of what's being done. At first, he's enjoying it, living out the ultimate break-up experience, essentially tossing Clementine out of existence, but as it continues, he begins to realize how many good memories there were. Ultimately, he changes his mind, but it's too late. He can't tell them to stop.
So he does his best to cling to the memory of Clementine, with his memory of her acting as a willing accomplice. Things really go down the rabbit-hole after that, turning about as surreal as Being John Malkovich if not more so. Meanwhile, the Lacuna team is having fits, some pot, and a few problems of their own. In the end, all the memories are gone, or are they? Look for a hopeful chance and one last monkey wrench.
--- End Minor Spoilers ---
All in all, it was extremely surreal while still keeping the narrative moving at a good pace, and ultimately, it was very sweet. I give it four sugar cubes, laced with LSD.
Reviews by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 07, 2004
Friday Five: Fond Footsteps
Today's question comes from... me.
In all your life's travels, what are your five favorite spots that you'd most like to visit again to be able to share the spot with friends/family? Was it the place itself or the experiences you had there?
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Wil Weaton, Stand By Me, Alamo Drafthouse!
Check it out -- Wil Weaton will be hosting a showing of Stand By Me at the Alamo Drafthouse this Sunday at 7pm.
Any fellow Austinites interested in going as a group? (Assuming I can get either a babysitter or a pass from MAW.)
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
October 06, 2004
Outsourced humor
Here's a funny little Flash film about outsourced tech support. It reminds me of many tech support calls I've had, though many of them were actually here in the U.S. Here's a snippet:
User: <states problem>... and now it won't even start up. What do I do oh guru of technical wisdom?
Support: Have you tried restarting your computer?
User: Yes, and it... doesn't... restart!
Support: Is your computer plugged in? That is very much common mistake.
User: What kind of stupid fucking question is that? Yes, it's plugged in. Don't jerk me around. This fucking operating system is as unstable as Charles Manson, and I need help.
Support: Is your monitor turned on? Another common mistake.
User: Dumbass! It doesn't start up!
Thanks to the Keeper for the link.
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 04, 2004
X-Prize Update... free ticket?
You know something is real when it has an official soft drink sponsor.
(The following article has no permalink, so I'm stretching "fair use" and just quoting it.)
Lemon-lime beverage, 7 UP, the official soft drink of the Ansari X Prize, announced Monday plans to offer consumers the first free ticket into space. The announcement followed the win by SpaceShipOne of the $10 million competition.
"At 7 UP, we want to make space travel a reality for everyone, not just for millionaires," Randy Gier, EVP/CMO of Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages, the beverage's parent company, said in a press release. "7 UP applauds the success of the X PRIZE and the notion that the only way to go is UP when it comes to the future of space travel. We are very proud and excited to be the very first to help bring free space travel into the reach of everyone."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself," said Dr. Peter H. Diamandis, Chairman and Founder of the X PRIZE Foundation. "My mission and that of the X PRIZE Foundation has been to create a future in which all of us can travel into space. Our goal is to create the personal spaceflight revolution in partnership with innovative companies like 7 UP. Together we are making space travel accessible to the average citizen."
Details of 7 UP's first free ticket into space will be unveiled in 2005.
Those of you who know my twin loves of space flight and Coca-Cola should appreciate just how much torment I'm in right now.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (3)
Scaled Composites Wins X-Prize
I just watched Scaled Composites win the X-Prize on live TV. Initial reports of 367,000 feet, beating the old record held by the X-15 since the 1960's.
Probably the most surreal moment was the landing, with large commercial jets sitting in the background.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
October 03, 2004
Stop the World... I want to get off
You know how they always joked that if men could get pregnant, you'd be able to get an abortion at the drive-through?
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Having witnessed the birth of my three kids, I can only say "AAAAAGGHH!!!!! I don't care if I don't have ovaries -- I want them removed immediately!!!"
Read more here.
Thanks to Gord for the link.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
October 01, 2004
Friday Five: At least it's not "Louie, Louie..."
Today's question comes from Adam.
What are your 5 favorite lines from any song? Not the song itself, but specific lyrics that you dig, and find yourself repeating in your head.
This is a tough one for me because I don’t listen to that much music with words, and that which I do generally has to make pretty good poetry. Hence, I’m going to be pretty liberal about the definition of “lines”.
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)