« March 2005 | Main | May 2005 »
April 30, 2005
Fire and Water
Here's an image I've been working with on and off this week. It's not work safe, so think before you click.
Click the image for a higher resolution copy.
I was starting to think ahead towards this year's Flipside, and I wanted to do a mixed image (like "Two Sides" below) that showed a blend of the fire as well as the cool water. Doing the blend at the water's surface seemed to work best. I'm also contemplating a similar image with two male figures, but I haven't really thought about it much.
If I can work it out, though, I'd like to get this printed onto some kind of a banner to hang on my tent as both art and a marker. If I do and if I also do the male image, I'd try to do one side of the banner male and the other female. [Quick technical note: I know I can get it printed on "Tyvec" (sp?), and while that is weather resistant, it's too flimsy to hang in any kind of wind. So, I'm thinking of trying to attach the tyvec print(s) to a piece of canvas somehow. Any suggestions would be helpful.]
That's it for art for a bit. I'm off to the California offices for a week, and I'm not taking my software with me.
Render by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 29, 2005
Funny Quote
Just passing it on:
We like the often misunderstood European style whether it is in photography, film making or art in general. When Europeans do weird, it seems like art. When Americans do weird, Michael Jackson happens.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Friday 5: Wishing for Wally
This week's question comes from Laura:
Sharing an office with one or more people can be a bit of a strain sometimes. Humour me, name five annoying habits of co-workers you've had to put up with. Or are YOU the one who chews with his mouth open or types aloud?
Me? I'm blameless.
However, I have had to put up with some mild crap earlier in my career. (In truth, the best part of career advancement wasn't the money. It was the privacy.)
- Snooping on my computer.
- Not shutting up.
- Unleashing a silent-but-deadly fart and then leaving the room without warning me.
- Holding an impromptu meeting with someone who stopped by where there's a conference room right across the hall!
- Going on and on about how much money we could save on office supplies if we would just buy them from her Amway distributorship.
While writing this, I was struck by several fake answers that I just had to share:
- Storing gigabytes of pornography on my computer because his didn't have the space. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
- Complaining endlessly that the office was too hot and ultimately stripping down to a wet cotton thong to stay cool. Oh, and being a 300-pound pasty white guy at the same time.
- All the candles and pentagrams around my desk to help "contain my negative energies".
- One sniffle, and it's thirty minutes of free medical advice on how accupuncture will cure my allergies.
- Being overly sensitive. Always with the "that's disgusting", the "I was drinking that", and the ever-present, "Dude -- you can't masturbate in here!"
Man... some people!
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
April 28, 2005
Radio of the Sub-Genius?
The tape deck in my car died recently, so I've started listening to the radio again. I was bouncing back and forth between KMFA (classical music) and KGSR (eclectic rock w/ an Austin twist) when I discovered "Bob-FM" at 103.5 MHz.
At first it was really pretty cool. The premise, which they keep telling us over and over, is that this is Bob's radio station, and we're just listening to Bob's massive CD collection which spans the 60's through today. I liked the idea of that. It's similar to what I'd do if I ran a radio station. It wouldn't be Metal or Rap or Top-40. It would just be good music that Dan liked.
My tapes were like that, just collections from CD's, and I had mixed together about twelve hours worth of music ranging from Queen and the Eagles to Tori Amos and the Alan Parson's Project. I probably could have doubled that if I'd both taken the time and was willing to accept the songs that I just sorta liked. People who rode with me on trips would comment, "Damn, this is a really good tape." If I had access to the budget and the time to search for the music (let's leave RIAA vs. Napster out of it for the moment), I could probably rack up 100 hours of pure music. [Reality check: consider the top 40 songs from 40 years to get 1600 songs... 3.5 minutes each yields about 93 hours.] That's over four days. Toss in the news reports, some commercials, a minimum of DJ chat to remind you that yes, that really was the Turtles singing "Happy Together". That would bring you up to five or six days. Maybe toss in a little extra of the more recent stuff (say, the last 3 years), and you should be able to get up to about a week. Yep, you could listen to a radio station 24/7 for a week without hearing a repeat.
Well, that's not what Bob-FM is. The honeymoon lasted about two days of intermittent driving before I heard my first repeat, some psuedo-Country piece about "living like you were dying". And then more repeats, which then repeated. In a couple of weeks, I've found about ten or fifteen songs on there that I keep hearing again and again. Now, there IS a good mix of older stuff that breaks up the monotony, but I'd bet it's still about 60% or 70% Top-40 being repeated over and over.
Maybe I should cut Bob some slack. Well, maybe I would if he played Eurythmics more than Backstreet Boys.
In the meantime, I'm going to start looking for my dream car stero unit: an MP3 player that would read songs from a dual-layer DVD. At 8.5GB, I could store 140+ hours of music, almost six days worth. It really would be my own little radio station: KDAN. Considering that I don't drive very much, it would last for months. Heh, imagine the shuffle on that taking you from bagpipes to the Village People and then off to Sarah McLachlan.
Mmmmmm.... shuffle....
Reviews by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
Liberal Media Bias on the Filibuster Debate
I'm really just directing you to a page on rathergate.com which lays out quotes from a couple of newspaper editorials now and from ten years ago that stake out radically different positions on the notion of the filibuster. What changed in those ten years? Republicans took control of the Senate, that's what.
Anyway, regardless of where you are on this particular debate, the contrast between these quotes is shocking yet also no surprise. Never believe a media source when it is telling you it has no bias. That's right up there with "The check is in the mail," and "I won't cum in your mouth."
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 25, 2005
AggieCon and my Secret Project
I spent the weekend in College Station for AggieCon 35(?), and this time I entered the art show. That was my secret project sucking up all my free time. I entered five pieces but only sold one. Still, it was enough encouragement to try again in the future.
Here are the five pieces I entered. Click the image to see a high resolution version:
 This is the first piece I did, and I posted it here before when I did it. This is also the one that sold. | ||||
|
You can look at some of my other stuff at my Renderosity gallery.
Blog /Render by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 20, 2005
What's your Pope name?
Because I clearly haven't pissed off Catholics enough yet:
If I am elected, my pope name will be:Pope Outrageous Roy I |
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Question for you English majors out there...
I've got a question that's been bugging me for a while, one of those "I used to know this... really."
In the classic tragedy structure (I'm thinking Shakespeare, etc.), there are some common elements. I seem to recall that there's something called the "tragic flaw" in the main character... stuff like that.
My question is about the point of no return. In a tragedy, we see that things are getting into trouble, but for a while there's still hope that it might turn out for the best. Then there comes a point, an event, after which the tragic end is considered unavoidable. Typically this is around act 3 of 5 or 2 or 3. For example, in Hamlet, this would come around the "To be or not to be" speech, when Hamlet could have has his revenge but didn't, or in Romeo & Juliet when Romeo showed there could be peace between the two houses, but then Tibalt killed Mercutio, sending things out of control. Anyway, I recall that this point had a name, specific to the context of a tragedy's structure. What was the name of that point?
Anyone?
(I'm still geeking out so badly over the coming Revenge of the Sith that I'm wondering where this point will come for Anakin.)
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 19, 2005
I am officially Lucas' bitch again
Oh man, I'm off the wagon in a big way. I just spent twenty minutes watching Revenge of the Sith trailers, and I'm actually now counting down the days until its release.
I just hope someone is there to help me pick up the pieces on May 20.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (5)
April 18, 2005
Torturing a list meme...
I've been quiet for a while, but I had to come out and torture this little meme, courtesy of HappyTester, who didn't do such a bad job of torturing it herself.
1) Would you eat a severed human foot if someone paid you $50,000 US? No, but I’d gladly do the severing.
2) Do you find the sound of crickets soothing? Beneath my heel, yes?
3) Do you pick scabs? No, I leave that to my middle managers. Bloody unions.
4) If you found a human baby and a kitten starving in the street, who would you feed first if there was no one else around? I’d feed the kitten to the baby, unless, of course, it has the dreaded birthmark that foretells my doom.
5) Has higher math always struck you as pointless? Actually, vector calculus is all about points.
6) Can you ice skate? Yes, I took Ice Skating 305 to fulfill the “Quirky Escape Skill” requirement at Evil Overlord University. Fat lot of good it does me in Texas though.
7) Do you think you will live to turn 80? What... again?
8) What is your favorite historical period? The Plieostene.
9) Do you believe in a supreme being? My, my, you flatter me. I haven’t been called “supreme” in quite some time.
10) Do you believe the rich have a responsibility to bear greater financial burdens in society than the poor or middle class? Heh... good one. Stalin had a line like that. Good old Joe.
11) If the world were a true meritocracy, would you have progressed as far as you have today or farther? How about not as far? Much farther. There seems to be a bias against the evil. We keep getting shuffled into HR.
12) Did the dingo really eat the baby? Yes, but I had to put the A-1 sauce on first.
13) To which do you give precedence when classifying yourself: race, gender, religion, or nationality? None of the above... I think first in terms of alignment.
14) Do you dream in color? I don’t remember. It’s been several decades since I last actually “slept”.
15) Are you primarily diurnal or nocturnal? Both.
16) Do you speak any language fluently besides your native tongue? Yes, I speak the language of the Elder gods, mwuahahaha!
17) If you had the power to create a heaven and select one deceased person worthy of going there, whom would you choose? Hmmm, do I get to have a hand in the “making” of the deceased?
18) Is OJ guilty? Of course not. That was me all along.
19) Would you have sex for money? Only if they take Paypal. Everything else is too much of a hassle these days.
20) Can you play a musical instrument? The pipe organ. It’s an Evil Overlord thing.
21) Have you ever purposefully starved yourself? Only after a really big supper. I’ll go twelve, maybe thirteen hours without a bite.
22) Are you afraid of the ocean? To some extent. After all, it’s pressing down on my secret lair with the force of eight billion metric tons.
23) Do you root for the underdog? Always. It’s fun to watch them close before being crushed.
24) Do you consider most professional sports to have a deeply homoerotic undertone? Hmmm, ladies tennis...check, men’s water polo...check, girls gymnastics... no, wait, that one’s pedophilia.
25) Do you frequently suspect others of having an ulterior motive? Not around me. I have a habit of eliminating those.
26) Do you laugh out loud when you're alone? Hey, maniacal laughter takes practice.
27) Do you know how to ride a horse? Yes, but I prefer transport that does not shit during my conveyance.
28) Have you ever bitten anyone with the intention to harm them? I think they have to still be alive for it to count as “harm”.
29) Do you believe love must always entail sacrifice? Sure, what the hell... sacrifice goes so well with everything else.
30) Would you enter a burning building to retrieve an inanimate object? Sure, but only to press the big red button that activates my super hyper global death ray. Anything else I’m sending HappyTester in for.
31) If you wanted to have children, would you rather adopt or grow your own? Hmmm, can you be a little more specific on what you mean by “have” children?
32) Is your Ebay feedback rating a source of pride to you? Absolutely. I’m ranked at the absolute bottom of customer satisfaction. EBay has cancelled my account three hundred and twelve times. The Fed’s are prosecuting me under the RICO act. Strangely, this hasn’t hurt my sales of Enzyte at all.
33) Do like to play dress-up? Especially dress-up-and-over-the-shoulders.
34) Do you support euthanasia for the terminally ill? Well, how terminal are talking about here? I mean, if they’re really, really terminal, like going to die any day, then what’s the point? Save that poison for someone healthy.
35) Have you ever had a panic attack? Let’s just say I was once conferenced in to a League of Justice staff meeting and thought for a moment my phone wasn’t on mute after all.
36) Ever get the feeling you're being cheated? Everytime someone survives Ebola. You go to that much trouble to create a disease that vicious, you expect results, dammit!
37) Do you have some awful secret you would rather die than have anyone find out about? More to the point, I have some awful secret I’d rather kill you than have anyone find out about.
38) Was Feodor Kuzmich really Alexander in disguise? No, it was me all along you stupid bastards! Don’t you recognize the handwriting?
39) Do you dislike public transportation? I love it. It concentrates the targets.
40) Is there anything you regret? Not cloning Walt Disney when I had the chance.
Evil Overlord by Evil Overlord | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 15, 2005
Friday 5: VR Descendants...
There’s a little confusion over at Friday 5 Central, so we’re being thrown two questions, both of them from Gord.
First...
You've been approached by VR-Box, a new home entertainment system startup, for the creation of five new videogames for their home system. They're reviewing submissions from several different people, and their offer is that, whoever submits the most 5 ideas deemed most interesting and most profitable, gets a position with them simply hanging around thinking up ideas for video games for some collossal amount of money.
The system is an immersive, virtual reality game. People playing will know they're playing, they won't be at any special risk physically or psychologically. (No more than with a regular computer game, say.) But it will look more "real" (using a helmet which, yes, works on the brain by nerve induction or something) and the system will be of course far more flexible than anything now on the market—able to handle massively online multiplayer interaction, to run marginally complex AI, and so on.
They haven't specifically chosen a market, nor have they given any other limitations: it's apparently up to you to choose the niche you think best works for the first immersive VR-game system in the world. Which five game ideas would you submit?
Careful, Gord, if you think this is going to get you some advanced market research, bear in mind that this question counts as a public release of information.
Hmmm, “most interesting and most profitable”... well, the two aren’t necessarily the same. Yes, you could try to narrow it down to those that maximize the sum of both, but I’d like to take them on one at a time. First, the easy one, profitability.
- Max Millionaire vs. the Supermodel Stalkers of Lust, part 7: The Oral Avengers: I’ll leave it to your dirty minds to work out the details on this one.
- Your Life: Sit around, watch TV, clean the house, play on the computer. Hey, it worked for Sims.
- Caligula: Insult senators, fuck your sister, and get to decide who lives and who dies. Just reset before the knives come out.
- Office Rampage: Go ahead and go postal, get it out of your system, and kill your coworkers again and again. Not recommended for team play at work.
- Everquest/D&D/Ultima/Star Wars/ad nauseam: This is your basic stuff, e.g. slay the dragon, rescue the princess, just much more realistic. Personally, I think this one would be a lot of fun, though it’s not terribly interesting.
Now for the interesting ones...
- Dreamscape: If this thing can be pushing on neurons, maybe it can be reading them too. Explore your innermost psyche through conscious dreaming.
- Career Day: Get to experience the working life of different careers. It would run you through the high and low points of different jobs. Thinking about become a fireman? See the excitement and danger of a three-alarm fire along with the endless hours of maintaining equipment.
- Vacation: You know how vacation trips go. There’s one or two short pieces of bliss surrounded by some general fun, some monotony, and some hours of hassle and exhaustion. This packages up those short pieces of bliss: the isolated beach, the mountain pass, the feel of the grass on your bare feet. Instead of a movie tonight, take a ninety-minute vacation to the rainforest of Maui. This one might be a mildly profitable series.
- Time-travel god: You all know how many time-travel questions we get here on this list, and not all of them from Gord either. Well, let’s do it and find out just what would happen. Either fly-on-the-wall observer or hands-on megalomaniac, you can finally do more than just write about it. (The real profits here come from the toilet paper add-on pack.)
- Live with yourself: This would be a highly custom product. An observation team (perhaps a computer) will spend time with you collecting real data. They’ll see all the things you do, the things you say, etc. They will build a model of someone who does what you really do, not what you tell yourself you do. Then when you play the game, you get to be someone else in your household and see what it’s really like to live with you. I suspect for some folks, playing this game would be a form of court-mandated punishment.
And then there’s Gord’s second question...
Long dead, you are awakened from your eternal slumber some of your descendants using a Ouija board. It's a little bit annoying, understandably, since you were having a nice sleep in the dark. But your descendants want to ask you something.
Straining to hear them, you make out the question, "Ancestor, ancestor, we live in a perilous age. We humans are capable of great good and also great evil. We need guidance, we need... we need maxims to guide us. Ancestor, wise ancestor, give us five aphorisms or mottos you think worthy of remembering throughout our lives, as we navigate the complexities and dangers of the human, and yes, the posthuman world!
Dagnabbit! I was just in the middle of... well... it’s hard to explain to you living folk, but you’ve just taken me away from something as fun as a Claudia Christian oil wrestling match.
So, you want wisdom? You want maxims? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE MAXIMS!!!
Sorry, that was just Jack goofing with you. Maxims... well, let’s be quick about it.
- Don’t do anything you’ll have a hard time explaining to your kids when they’re grown up.
- Righty tighty, lefty Lucy. That one really comes in handy.
- The paths to Utopia and Distopia look the same. Sometimes you’re going to make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to go back and pick the other road.
- Remember that those who came before you were not gods. Yes, they built the world you live in, but they were just average Zho’s and Zhane’s trying to get by. Don’t tie yourself to a bad idea just because it’s always been that way. You have new possibilities that they never dreamed of.
- Remember that maxims are 90% pithy writing and only 10% wisdom. It's better to rely on your own judgement.
But I'm pretty sure about the righty-tighty thing.
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
Scam Alert!
If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service, DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind.
These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
April 13, 2005
Congress to rescue political blogging
You may or may not be aware that the FEC is in the process of writing regulations on political blogging all the name of campaign finance reform. Fortunately, it looks like Congress may cut this one off at the pass.
Congressman Hensarling (Republican-Texas) and Senator Reid (Democrat-Nevada) have introduced a bill to except volunteer internet communications (i.e. blogging) from the disasterous (IMO) McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Act of 2002. In a letter to fellow Congressman, he writes:
When Congress passed campaign finance reform in 2002, the legislation did not identify the Internet as a target of regulation, and rightly so. The explosion of new technology has done much to democratize our politics, encourage grassroots political involvement, and act as a tremendous catalyst for civic engagement across our country. With the emergence of blogs, the Internet truly puts the power in the hands of the people.
Unfortunately, a federal judge has ruled that the FEC's previous broad exemption of the Internet was impermissible absent clear direction from Congress. Within the next sixty days, the FEC is expected to finalize rules and regulations that could squash not only free speech and citizen activism, but could well impede innovation and technology – unless Congress acts now.
Today, I introduced the Online Freedom of Speech Act to offer that direction, amending federal election law to specifically exclude communications over the Internet from the definition of "public communication" for purposes of regulation. It will allow the growth and expansion of new voices in our political process without interference. An identical bill (S.678) has been introduced in the Senate by the distinguished Minority Leader signifying that this effort is not a partisan one.
We ought to embrace these newcomers to our political process instead of applying complex and chilling regulatory burdens. Please cosponsor this important legislation and help me protect bloggers and online activists from the heavy hand of federal regulation. For more information, please call Gerry O’Shea on my staff at 5-3484.
This reminds me a little of when the FCC launced its nationwide "no call" list, and a judge tried to stop them. Congress looked at the fifty million households that had already signed up and decided that a little legislative activism wasn't such a bad thing.
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind seeing this entire law overturned on First Amendment grounds, but I'll take what I can get.
Anyway, hat tip to Redstate.
Politics by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 12, 2005
Bad mood image
I wasn't really in a bad mood when I did this (quite the opposite), but I have felt like this before:
It's also available on a variety of apparel at my store.
Render /Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 09, 2005
Darth Papal
(Again, my apologies to Catholics grieving a great man, but this was damn funny!)
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 08, 2005
Friday 5: My Name is Dan, and I'll be your serial killer today
This week’s question comes from Marvin:
What are the five signs that you, yes you, might be a serial-killing psychopath?
Might be? Might? Heh, how naïve.
- I know how to dispose of a body so that a) it is likely to never be found, and b) if it isn’t found for at least three weeks, the body would not be identifiable by fingerprints, dental/X-ray records, or DNA testing. But that’s somewhat academic, and the best planned murders don’t leave you to deal with the body anyway.
- I also know how to dispose of a car with virtually no trace, though you can’t have the body in it when you do so. This is generally useful when the cover story for your murder is that the victim moved off, i.e. got fed up and went for the long drive never to be heard from again, current whereabouts unknown.
- Some of the best murders don’t look like murders at all, but appear to be simple accidents. See the movie “A Shock to the System” for a flavor of this. My personal favorite, however, is so tricky that I haven’t managed to pull it off yet. It involves a specially prepared and worn-out tire (and three others to match its appearance), a small explosive charge, a rainy night, and a windy road along the side of a steep hill like 2222 in west Austin. Sure, it sounds like a lot of trouble, but I know a couple of people who are worth it. Unfortunately, they don’t live in the Austin area.
- Cannibalism is over-rated, especially in relation to casual murder. Either you have to share, which raises questions, or you have a lot of leftovers. That’s not exactly what you want in your freezer when the search warrant comes. Kuru is less of a risk than you’d think, provided your victims are not cannibals themselves, but it’s best to avoid the brain on general principle anyway. Mostly, though, human meat is tough and stringy. The parts you would think of as special delicacies are generally either too fatty or too chewy. Young-adult thighs and buttocks are really the only cuts worthwhile, and their owners are the ones most likely to successfully fight off an attack.
- I tend to give pretty good advice for things I have no reason for knowing. For example, killing someone close to you, say a coworker, neighbor, or family member, is always very tricky, because your connection makes you an immediate suspect, someone to be ruled out if nothing else. Then you get into fabricating an alibi, and it just gets messy from there. Instead, you need to remove yourself from the pool of suspects from the start by making it clear the murderer was an unrelated party, so you make your victim one in a string of serial murders. This can be a little tricky, so let me walk you through the important elements.
- You’ll need some other victims – three at minimum. However many you choose, your victim should be near the end, but not the last. In general, you want to have enough to establish a pattern, but not so many that details become public knowledge. After all, you don’t want your victim to be suspected as a copy-cat, but recognized as the genuine article. You can’t do yours too early in the sequence or they police won’t recognize it as the pattern – plus, you’ll be on their radar, which makes it difficult to do the follow-up killing(s). You don’t want your victim to be the last either, because the police will have to wonder why the killer stopped with your victim. Timing is also important, since serial killers accelerate their work. A good pattern is: first cover victim, wait three months, second cover victim, wait two months, your primary victim, wait one month, and then your final cover victim.
- Pick your extra victims randomly to some extent, but don’t do them in the heat of the moment. They need to have some common element with your main victim, e.g. overweight men, blonde women, etc. Do your research. Make sure you have a predictable opportunity to do the deed. Find the time and place where you can work on them without interruption. Be sure to complete all the research for your follow-up victim(s) before you kill your primary victim, since you won’t have the time to do it afterwards while you’re under police scrutiny. Also, this only works if your main victim and cover victims are all local. Coincidental travel dates will raise suspicion.
- Plan the details of your killing style meticulously. Choose the killing weapon ahead of time. Do something to the body during or afterwards. Ritualistic dismemberment will always be an eye-catcher for the police. Learn your anatomy since you’ll want to be sure you do the same thing to particular organs on each of your victims. Don’t improvise anything. After all, you’re trying to establish a warped mind-set here. Consistent depravity will get their profilers headed in a direction far from your own identity. Also, there will be some details in the papers, but only you will be able to duplicate the minutia that doesn’t get released to the press.
- Be clean. This is a good idea in just about all murders, but especially in this case. While crime labs aren’t really as good or fast as CSI would lead you to believe, you need to be careful. Select special working clothes for this that are used only for this. Clean yourself meticulously before and afterwards. Use tarps. Wear gloves and a shower cap. This is not Sunday-morning clean. This is clean-room clean.
- If possible, leave someone else’s DNA or tell-tale signs at the scene. I won’t give too many details here because this one is something of a trade secret. If your victims are female, think about a sperm bank. Failing that, a collection of dead skin cells shoved under fingernails is a good misdirection. The key here, of course, is to use the same DNA at each scene, and make sure it’s not from someone who can be traced back to you. Another trick is to use bite marks from another person. A good dental casting would do, but a real (and refrigerated, thank you very much) human jaw works even better, providing more consistent angles as well as trace DNA. (Note: a separate preparatory murder might be in order here for supplies – remember the victim that just got fed up and drove off?)
Of course, it’s fun to always joke about this kind of thing. It often makes for good, dark humor, and if you’re a writer (as I am), you can use that knowledge in your writing thus making it clear that’s why you know these things. People occasionally get freaked out by your dark imagination, but they laugh it off with a comfortable air. “After all, he’s a nice guy and basically harmless.” Now, you might think this is all meant to scare you, to make you all question just how mentally stable I really am, but then I know you’ll see through that as the lame joke that it is. After all, I’m a nice guy and basically harmless. But if any of you really are freaked out by this, I have the following advice:
- Subcutaneous RFID chips are hard to find if you don’t have the details.
- Always make sure people know where are you going.
- Check your tires.
- Exercise and a low-carb diet ruins the meat.
- Don’t be too predictable in your routines.
- An apology for what you did last February just might save your life.
Anyway, you'll find some other psychopaths wallowing in their blood lust here.
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
April 06, 2005
Wiki After Dark
I ran across this link somewhat at random, but here's Wiki After Dark, a Wikipedia clone filled with "adult" advice, on everything from learning to deep throat to special exercises you can do to improve the quality of sex. Clearly, the site is still in the early stages and doesn't cover such wonderful topics as felching or muppet porn.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (1)
April 04, 2005
Bloggers bypass gag order
Here's a couple of links to an interesting blog-legal development. Apparently there's a major political scandal underway in Canada (first I've heard of it here under my rock), and there's a gag order preventing the Canadian press for reporting much on it during the investigation. That order, however, has not prevented an American blogger from publishing information from what he considers to be a reliable (and leaky) source, nor has it prevented Canadians from discussing the issue on American-hosted blogs.
Check it out: Beat to Quarters, Part 1 and Part 2.
Blog by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)
April 01, 2005
Friday 5: Silly Snacks
Today's question comes from Rob:
Name five snacks that your mind immediately turns to when the need or opportunity arises.
Hmmm, well, I'm a little hungry now, so let's see...
- "Dokranuts": If you're familiar with the Round Rock donuts based on sweet potatoes rather than flour, you should have an idea what this is about. A Pflugerville-based competitor has introduced okra-based donuts. Look for them in the 1500 block of Pecan St, near the Albertson's.
- Communion wafers: Sure, you think of them as dry and plastic-like, but have you ever noticed the priests wolfing down all the extras at the end of the service? Plus, thanks to transubstantiation, they're low-carb.1
- Jellyfish tentacles: Some folks blanch at jalapenos, but this is the real test of your spice tolerance, 'cause these babies are hot, hot, HOT!!
- Kitty Litter: Sometimes it's a little dry and crunchy, but every now and then you get a nice moist, chewy bit.
- Human Flesh: There's nothing quite so satisfying as snacking on a lovely lady's thigh meat, but in a pinch, your own forearm can be pretty tasty, not to mention convenient.
Those with more mundane culinary tastes should take note of today's date.
[1] Wow, I'm really pissing off Catholics for some reason today. No offense meant -- really!
Meme by Dan | Permalink | Comments (2)
The Pope is Dying?
So, the Pope is dying, eh?
On April 1st.
How do we know God's not just dicking with us?
(My apologies to Catholics everywhere. I know it was in bad taste, but it was just too good to pass up.)
Tinfoil Beanie by Dan | Permalink | Comments (0)