Dan Among Den

1) Would you eat a severed human foot if someone paid you $50,000 US? No, but I’d gladly do the severing.

2) Do you find the sound of crickets soothing? Beneath my heel, yes?

3) Do you pick scabs? No, I leave that to my middle managers. Bloody unions.

4) If you found a human baby and a kitten starving in the street, who would you feed first if there was no one else around? I’d feed the kitten to the baby, unless, of course, it has the dreaded birthmark that foretells my doom.

5) Has higher math always struck you as pointless? Actually, vector calculus is all about points.

6) Can you ice skate? Yes, I took Ice Skating 305 to fulfill the “Quirky Escape Skill” requirement at Evil Overlord University. Fat lot of good it does me in Texas though.

7) Do you think you will live to turn 80? What... again?

8) What is your favorite historical period? The Plieostene.

9) Do you believe in a supreme being? My, my, you flatter me. I haven’t been called “supreme” in quite some time.

10) Do you believe the rich have a responsibility to bear greater financial burdens in society than the poor or middle class? Heh... good one. Stalin had a line like that. Good old Joe.

11) If the world were a true meritocracy, would you have progressed as far as you have today or farther? How about not as far? Much farther. There seems to be a bias against the evil. We keep getting shuffled into HR.

12) Did the dingo really eat the baby? Yes, but I had to put the A-1 sauce on first.

13) To which do you give precedence when classifying yourself: race, gender, religion, or nationality? None of the above... I think first in terms of alignment.

14) Do you dream in color? I don’t remember. It’s been several decades since I last actually “slept”.

15) Are you primarily diurnal or nocturnal? Both.

16) Do you speak any language fluently besides your native tongue? Yes, I speak the language of the Elder gods, mwuahahaha!

17) If you had the power to create a heaven and select one deceased person worthy of going there, whom would you choose? Hmmm, do I get to have a hand in the “making” of the deceased?

18) Is OJ guilty? Of course not. That was me all along.

19) Would you have sex for money? Only if they take Paypal. Everything else is too much of a hassle these days.

20) Can you play a musical instrument? The pipe organ. It’s an Evil Overlord thing.

21) Have you ever purposefully starved yourself? Only after a really big supper. I’ll go twelve, maybe thirteen hours without a bite.

22) Are you afraid of the ocean? To some extent. After all, it’s pressing down on my secret lair with the force of eight billion metric tons.

23) Do you root for the underdog? Always. It’s fun to watch them close before being crushed.

24) Do you consider most professional sports to have a deeply homoerotic undertone? Hmmm, ladies tennis...check, men’s water polo...check, girls gymnastics... no, wait, that one’s pedophilia.

25) Do you frequently suspect others of having an ulterior motive? Not around me. I have a habit of eliminating those.

26) Do you laugh out loud when you're alone? Hey, maniacal laughter takes practice.

27) Do you know how to ride a horse? Yes, but I prefer transport that does not shit during my conveyance.

28) Have you ever bitten anyone with the intention to harm them? I think they have to still be alive for it to count as “harm”.

29) Do you believe love must always entail sacrifice? Sure, what the hell... sacrifice goes so well with everything else.

30) Would you enter a burning building to retrieve an inanimate object? Sure, but only to press the big red button that activates my super hyper global death ray. Anything else I’m sending HappyTester in for.

31) If you wanted to have children, would you rather adopt or grow your own? Hmmm, can you be a little more specific on what you mean by “have” children?

32) Is your Ebay feedback rating a source of pride to you? Absolutely. I’m ranked at the absolute bottom of customer satisfaction. EBay has cancelled my account three hundred and twelve times. The Fed’s are prosecuting me under the RICO act. Strangely, this hasn’t hurt my sales of Enzyte at all.

33) Do like to play dress-up? Especially dress-up-and-over-the-shoulders.

34) Do you support euthanasia for the terminally ill? Well, how terminal are talking about here? I mean, if they’re really, really terminal, like going to die any day, then what’s the point? Save that poison for someone healthy.

35) Have you ever had a panic attack? Let’s just say I was once conferenced in to a League of Justice staff meeting and thought for a moment my phone wasn’t on mute after all.

36) Ever get the feeling you're being cheated? Everytime someone survives Ebola. You go to that much trouble to create a disease that vicious, you expect results, dammit!

37) Do you have some awful secret you would rather die than have anyone find out about? More to the point, I have some awful secret I’d rather kill you than have anyone find out about.

38) Was Feodor Kuzmich really Alexander in disguise? No, it was me all along you stupid bastards! Don’t you recognize the handwriting?

39) Do you dislike public transportation? I love it. It concentrates the targets.

40) Is there anything you regret? Not cloning Walt Disney when I had the chance.